Almost a year.....

I've had a lot of "one year ago today" moments lately. "One year ago today" Jamie had his first phone interview. "One year ago today" he accepted this life changing position. "One year ago today" we were installing new carpet for the impending house sale.

"One year ago today" I had a complete nervous breakdown and realized what we were doing.

It's been a year since Jamie left Kansas and started working at Ft Rucker. I was a single parent this time last year and doing quite well thanks to my amazing friends.

December 4th will be the one year mark that we pulled out of KS in that enormous Penske truck leaving the life we knew behind.


Yesterday, I went outside about 7am and thought how cold it was . Surely it was freezing. It was 52. I made the short trek to the chicken coop where I strategically prepared their food and then with one hand, opened the door and stepped to the side while all 14 of our chickens ran out as if they'd been "caged" for days. I put their food in the tray and again jumped to the side while the trampled back in to start eating after their long night of starvation. I propped the door open with a large tin water can and noticed a spider the size of Australia on the side. I watched it for a moment as it climbed up the side before I took a leaf and gently pushed it off and onto the ground.

On the way back inside, our outdoor cat was winding in and out of my legs obviously starving too. I scanned the yard looking for evidence of any of his recent kills. The latest was a poor chipmunk. We've also had squirrels, birds and field mice. Today, I saw nothing. Gave him a scoop of food on the back porch before heading into the house to make breakfast for Ashley.

As I pulled out of the driveway a few hours later, the guinea birds were chasing us just as they always do. I slowly backed up almost to the tractor and then honked sending them a signal that the wheels were changing directions and the end of their life was coming soon if they didn't run. They ran.
We drove down our driveway that is about the size of our old road in KS. As we got to the end, I paused and looked to see if any pecans had fallen from the tree. I recently learned that they don't fall every year in some cases. This is a year we aren't getting any, apparently. It's a shame too. My father in law has collected several large bags at their home. He says its about $1000 worth. Hoping at least one pecan falls before Christmas. Sure would be fun to have a free holiday!

I do my grocery shopping at the local Walmart but prefer Piggly Wiggly or even the Grocery Outlet. They have the best, freshest meat. I had a decent garden this Spring and plan to have a bigger one next year. We had eggplant, squash, watermelon, cantaloupe, okra, tomatoes and peppers. Right now we only have onions and garlic. Hopefully I can get out there and plant some corn before it gets cold. Yes, cold.


From time to time, I stop and think about life today verses life "one year ago". Extremely different.
Now, we can see every single star in the sky and some of the planets on most nights. And we hear absolutely nothing from our yard. We have neighbors, but we have no idea when they are home or not. We have so much privacy that it was no issue at all that night Jamie ran out to the shed in his underwear.

The closest Target is 30 miles away. The mall is about the same.

But we have every single thing we need right here. The things I thought I would miss and actually mourned in the beginning, I don't miss at all today. The things I thought I "needed", well I can't even remember what they were.

We have it all. Literally.

We have bought the most beautiful home. It's almost 4000 square feet, more than twice the size of our home in KS. Our yard, well, its more than just a yard. Think a beautiful national park. Amazing green grass surrounded by trees that are bigger than most I have ever seen. At least 100 years old.  We have fox squirrels that hang in our yard and are so much fun to watch. We also have deer that lazily graze and search for food. Truly breathtaking.

And we've made some amazing friends. We have playdates, playgroups, lunches, brunches, dinners, parties and fun outings of every kind. I actually have friends that I know I can call in crunch and they will help in a heartbeat.

We are back where we started 17 years ago when we met in Valdosta, GA.  Back in the south where the dirt is red, the air is warm, the beach is near, the flowers bloom year round and the locals bundle up when the temp drops below 65. We are home.

One year ago, we left what I thought then to be home. Now I know we are home.

New school year... new house, new town, new friends.

All sorts of newness here. But we are chugging along and doing great. The "newness" hasn't quite worn off. I guess if I ever finished unpacking then it might. One day.

For now, we have been busy getting the two big ones back in school! I can honestly say that NO tears were shed at all on the first day this year. Not even a mist. I was completely ready for these children to be back in the classroom and out of this house. Love them, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.

So we now have a 7th grader and a 1st grader. I was laughing to myself (a nervous laugh) thinking how when Caleb is a Senior, Faith will be in 6th grade and Ashley will be in 4th. Geesh. That spacing couldn't be anymore far apart. We'll be sending one to college and preparing for middle school at the same time. Very interesting.


It's taking me wayyy too long to write this post. I started this last week. That gives you a good idea as to what life is like these days!

Other VERY exciting news!!!... Ashley is now fully potty trained! I am so proud of this baby girl! She just decided it was time. I tried a few failed attempts and then suddenly, it clicked for her. We have way more panties than we will ever be able to wear but it seems the only "treat" she really wants for her success.
This means NO MORE DIAPERS in the Schmittendorf house. After 13 years of having babies, we are done. And I am (GASP!) OK with this. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit giddy. I can not believe I didn't break down into a ball of quivering tears but all I see is extra money, less smell and less diaper rash. Hooray!

MORE  exciting news.... we officially closed on the house last week. It's ours. After several months, long talks and digging deep into attempts of seeing our future, we own this house. And we couldn't be happier.
When this whole journey back to Enterprise began, I was adamant that this would not be our home. Turns out, home is where your heart is. And come to find out, our hearts are here amongst these brick walls.
I thought it would be strange to own the house that Jim and Bonnie once purchased with dreams of their own. Even stranger to own the house that Bonnie was so sick in and eventually lost her battle to Leukemia here in this very house.
I quickly learned that the comfort and ease I felt in this beautiful house was exactly what we needed to make it a home. And I know that Bonnie would love knowing that we were going to keep this house and carry it on with our dreams.
So its now our home. And its a beautiful home. With many memories already living amongst us and many more to come. It warms my heart to see my kiddos running through the massive yard and knowing that this is our forever home. One day, our grandchildren will run through this yard. And we can tell them that their great grandma helped plant the trees they climb in. Very special and extremely precious to us.

We are good. Almost nine months into our new life and we are good. Very good. New school year, new house, new town and new friends. Life is good!

Summer Fun!

Here we are in the midst of Summer. I was dreading these hot and humid southern months. I remember them all too well.
But its really not been bad! The rain showers are what keep catching me off guard. They call them "splash and dash showers". Whatever they are, they can really ruin outdoor plans quickly!

The weather has been very similar to KC summer except, the evenings are quite different. Almost breezy. I don't get it. Maybe its our location, maybe its luck. Who knows. I'll take it though!

We've been hitting the lake

There is a super cool and fun water trampoline...

And these are great

And of course, the wading is perfect

We've also been hanging at the park with some great new friends

And found a wonderful pool on post

So we've staying busy. And water logged.

We've also made a few really great friends. Lots and lots of girls down here! I thought Faith would be in heaven, and she is, but she has really taken to one little boy in particular. I over heard her telling him "If I call you Braden, just say OK."  She was teaching him Karate and basically molding him into her own little Braden. Funny thing is that his name is Brody. And he showed up to our house wearing cotton shorts and a white tshirt. Faith said "MOM! He even dresses like Braden!"

I'm still working at the church nursery. Best. Job. Ever. I get to play with other peoples kids, get paid, and go home with only my three. And the babies!! Cutest little things ever. So lucky to have found such a nice opportunity.

The other BIG news is that it seems our sweet little Ashley is now done with diapers. Almost as exciting as rejoining the military! NO MORE DIAPERS!! I'm sure that typing this out will result in her having an accident momentarily. But today is day four of big girl panties and NO ACCIDENTS! I'm quite proud of my "fastest diaper changer" title so I'm not sure what my new talent will be with this task out of hand. Perhaps I can take up knitting. Who knows.
I tried to figure out how many diapers I've changed in the past 12 years. The number was too daunting. 12 years of diapers. Geesh.

 The most exciting thing in our lives thus far is the most recent addition of a military man. Well, re-addition. Jamie signed his life back over to the government. This time, on a part time basis. He's joined the Air National Guard. You can take the man out of the military but you can't take the military out of the man. So he might as well just continue to serve.
To say I'm proud of him is quite an understatement. This man is amazing. He is not only following his dreams and doing something he loves, but he is providing for our family. I am so lucky to have this wonderful man as a husband. While the fear of deployment will always be there, that is what I originally signed up for when we married so I'm ok with it. Serving our country and providing for family is his #1 priority.
And did I mention how much I love a man in uniform???


July 11th marked our 15th wedding anniversary.


We've had an amazing journey so far. Many moves, many different companies, many pregnancies and many losses. Three beautiful children, so many smiles, laughs, and wonderful memories. I am so excited to see what the next 15 years has in store. I have a feeling a whole new chapter is starting to unfold. Being diaper free opens up so many doors!!

I love my life.

Six months....

I've started writing a new post no less than one million times. But a small person continuously side tracks me and I either forget what I was doing, or get busy doing something else. Typically for the small person.

School's out for the Summer. I have no more free time and always have a child on me, near me, next to me, yelling for me, needing me or crying for me.

I love it. Is that strange?

I get frustrated and often dream of living on a desert island with just beautiful sandy beaches and a cabana boy keeping my fruity, umbrella drink cool and full. Then I realize that THAT would NOT be me. That isn't the life I dreamt of and wished for. This is the life I wanted and am so thankful I have.

The 2 year old that panics if she can't get a visual on me in less than a nano second, the 6 year old that throws a temper tantrum better than any child I have ever witnessed and the 12 year old who is teetering on no longer being a child but being a teen and experiencing using different tones when speaking with me.

This is my life.
And I love it.

It's been 6 months since our move. Hard to believe that is was 6 months ago when we quietly pulled out of our driveway and off of Noreston St. Jamie behind the wheel of the 32 ft Penske truck and me driving the mini van full of sleepy children and a confused beagle.
Ok. It wasn't that quiet actually. It was pretty loud and I'm sure the neighbors cursed us one last time and we rolled away.

But whatever. It's been six months.

And I can honestly say that things are really good. The transition has not been easy for me. The kids have done beautifully but their old mom has struggled. But things are wonderful and perfect. I have no doubt in my mind that we made the right choice and no doubt we are back home where we belong.

Super fun week that we never wanted to end

So the Keelers made the trek from Kansas City to Enterprise. We were so excited to see them!! It was so fun having friends here 24/7 for a whole week.
We showed them the town and after that 5 minutes were up, we went to the Ft Rucker Aviation museum, to Zaxbys, Milky Moos, a mexican buffet, a great local park with ton of fun stuff, a park by the lake and, of course, the beach. Whew. It was a fun week.

We saw a lot of this.....
and this...

 and even this...

But Evan wouldn't let me take him for a ride on the tractor. Only sat on it with the engine off. Next time I'll have him driving the tractor!

It was fun to show the Keelers our new world and fun having them make some new memories here with us. Now we will always look at this tractor and remember Evan sitting on it. Or the chickens that Heather LOVED. (sort of)
But we will definitely remember this...

 And this...

And of course, this...

The goodbye part was hard. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening up until the very last minute. And then all of those feelings came rushing to the surface. The same ones I pushed down when we left KC back in December.
Then I realized... I don't miss KC. I loved living there but it wasn't the city that I loved. It was the people.

Some amazing friends gave me a really neat picture with the most perfect saying on it before we left. It says:

HOME ISN'T A HOUSE

OR A SINGLE TOWN ON A MAP.

IT IS WHEREVER THE PEOPLE

WHO LOVE YOU ARE.

NOT A PLACE, BUT A MOMENT

AND THEN ANOTHER, BUILDING 

ON EACH OTHER LIKE BRICKS

TO CREATE A SOLID SHELTER

THAT YOU TAKE WITH YOU 

FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE,

WHEREVER YOU MAY GO.

My house is now in Enterprise. But my home is in several places. And my solid shelter is pretty darn solid and will be with me forever. 

Another month...

So its been 3 full months since we pulled out of KC with that gigantic Penske truck hauling all of our possessions. Some days, I feel like we've been here forever and its home. Other days, I long to hop back in the car and "go home".
I do love it here though. Its a learning process and a change of pace but its good. When I think about what I miss from KC, its all about the people, not the place. But there are a lot of things (and people) I do not miss in KC and so glad that those things are behind us. One day at a time. So far, so good.

On the dad front, well, one day at a time there too. Old man landed back in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Heart rate was too high and blood pressure was too low. Took a while but they think they have it figured out. They had to knock him out and "shock" his heart to get it regulated again. They didn't really knock him out though. Gave him some drugs that wouldn't allow him to remember. He says they worked great but that the only thing he remembers is getting shocked. Ugh. I'm not a doctor but I would think that would be the #1 thing they would aim to have the patient NOT remember. Regardless, that little procedure worked. I was skeptical of him pulling through that one. I should have known better. I'm coming to realize that my dad has about 29 lives. This man is going to out live all of us.
Hopefully, he will be released from the hospital this week and then start his new journey at a new community. It's an assisted living center that seems perfect for him. Someone will do his laundry, cook his meals and even watch him shower if he so desires. What more could he possibly want??

March 1 was the one year anniversary of losing sweet Bonnie. I think the lead up to that day was worse than the day itself. No one really knew what to expect or how they would handle that big one year mark. Having been through 20+ of those dreadful anniversaries, I knew it would be hard but I also knew it wouldn't be any different than any other day. Any day without your mom is a challenge. You just learn how to deal with those challenges and how to keep on moving.
We had all the grandchildren write on balloons and we released them up to heaven for messages for Mimi. After we released balloons, we all went to dinner and we did what probably no one expected. We laughed, we played, we made some new memories. Everyone came back here for some good old card games and the kids ran around playing, laughing and just being kids. It couldn't have been more perfect. Exactly what Bonnie would have wanted. Exactly what everyone needed. Each other, and lots of laughter.


Last weekend was the Cinderella Ball in town. That's right. Cinderella's Ball. Of course, Princess Faith was on board for this adventure. Jamie and her had a special date night that was just amazing. I'm so happy he did this with just her. What a special memory for her to have.

So we are making this home. One ball at a time. I feel a minor set back coming though. I'm ok with it but I foresee it happening. Some friends are coming to visit from KC this weekend. I am so excited to have these people in our home and have their boys running around here. I can not wait to see their sweet little faces and have them become part of our new memories in Enterprise. But I know they will leave and head back to KC. Life down here would be perfect if I could get them to stay and convince them to bring my other two favorite little boys with them. Wonder if Jamie would notice if I moved two families in??
I'll take the setback. Can not wait to see them!

Unplugged and still ticking

Here it is only February and the year is already crazy. I guess calm just isn't part of our world. Whatever. We deal with it.
So... on Wednesday, January 23rd, my dad had a doctors appointment that landed him in the ER. He wasn't well. He hadn't been well. We all knew this but no one knew to what extent. Not even him.
Long story shorter, I decided I needed to get to Kansas City and got on a plane Saturday morning. As I landed in KC, I learned that my dad was on a ventilator, unable to breathe on his own.
Terrifying.
I think the most terrifying part was knowing he was alone. Just not something you want for someone you love.
Or someone you hate.
A dear friend of mine picked me up at the airport and whisked me away to the hospital. Thank God she was with me because I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw.
It was my dad in a way I never envisioned. Lifeless, breathing with each push of the machine, not moving. Such an odd sight and a horrifying realization that he may never piss me off again. I wanted him to sit up and say something to piss me off. But he didn't.

I spent the next three days at his side. I had a crossword puzzle but usually got lost in the motion of the machine making him breathe. And waiting to see what he could do (or couldn't do) on his own. With each trial of removing the ventilator, it was obvious he was not able to breathe without these tubes. And each doctor that entered the room seemed to paint such a dismal situation. And with each passing hour, I knew that this was not what he would want.

His brothers and sisters, my sister and I all discussed and knew what needed to be done. I made arrangements with Hospice and got the information on who to call once that last breath was taken. I made many phone calls to many different people letting them know the situation.
Many tears were shed.

Wednesday morning we were all to gather at the hospital. I arrived extra early, like I had been doing. He was awake and semi alert. They sedations had been minimized in order to increase his chances of being able to breath on his own. He followed me with his eyes.
I asked him if he wanted the tubes out, he nodded his head yes. I asked him if he knew he may not be able to breathe without them, he nodded his head yes.
Then something peculiar happened.
He made a gun with his pointer finger and his thumb. Since his arms were restrained (common for patients on vents), he leaned a bit to the side with his "gun" aimed at his chin. I was horrified but asked him if he wanted a gun. His eyes looked deep into mine and he made his gun again and did this motion yet again. And again. And again.
I was devastated at what he was asking but also felt he knew this was the end.
Then I looked at him again and saw frustration on his face. And then it hit me.

"Daddy. Do you have an itch?"

Yes. That's it. An itch on his chin. Of course. The man isn't asking for a gun, his asking for someone to scratch his beard we've told him needed trimmed for years.

I scratched his beard, laughed and slowly realized this outcome might not be what we are all thinking.

Fast forward three hours.

My dad was tube free, breathing on his own, sitting up, watching the History channel and asking if the nurse would scratch his ass and angry we weren't bringing him a diet coke.
And he had already managed to piss me off.

Hospice backed off and the transplant team that was on hold for his eyes were notified. He later apologized for this in his smart alleck way.

It's been almost two weeks since we unplugged my dad. He's now in a rehab facility with a good chance of returning to his apartment or perhaps an assisted care situation. Regardless, he's not dead.

He is sick and does have a long road ahead of him. He has several lung ailments on top of his Congestive Heart Failure. But that was not his time to go.

I'm hopeful he will eventually be able to make a trip down to our new home and see where we have settled ourselves. He would love it here. The peace and quiet, the country, the animals and the closeness to the ocean would all make him quite happy.  Hopefully he'll be here soon to see everything. For now, he needs to get stronger.
I ask him how he is feeling and he says "Pretty good for a dead guy."

And he also reassured me that I should not make a career out of caring for terminally ill patients and that I suck at charades. Doctors has said he wouldn't remember a lot but of course he remember this.  That's ok.

 He doesn't remember me cutting his moustache or nose hairs. Touche' old man.