I've had a lot of "one year ago today" moments lately. "One year ago today" Jamie had his first phone interview. "One year ago today" he accepted this life changing position. "One year ago today" we were installing new carpet for the impending house sale.
"One year ago today" I had a complete nervous breakdown and realized what we were doing.
It's been a year since Jamie left Kansas and started working at Ft Rucker. I was a single parent this time last year and doing quite well thanks to my amazing friends.
December 4th will be the one year mark that we pulled out of KS in that enormous Penske truck leaving the life we knew behind.
Yesterday, I went outside about 7am and thought how cold it was . Surely it was freezing. It was 52. I made the short trek to the chicken coop where I strategically prepared their food and then with one hand, opened the door and stepped to the side while all 14 of our chickens ran out as if they'd been "caged" for days. I put their food in the tray and again jumped to the side while the trampled back in to start eating after their long night of starvation. I propped the door open with a large tin water can and noticed a spider the size of Australia on the side. I watched it for a moment as it climbed up the side before I took a leaf and gently pushed it off and onto the ground.
On the way back inside, our outdoor cat was winding in and out of my legs obviously starving too. I scanned the yard looking for evidence of any of his recent kills. The latest was a poor chipmunk. We've also had squirrels, birds and field mice. Today, I saw nothing. Gave him a scoop of food on the back porch before heading into the house to make breakfast for Ashley.
As I pulled out of the driveway a few hours later, the guinea birds were chasing us just as they always do. I slowly backed up almost to the tractor and then honked sending them a signal that the wheels were changing directions and the end of their life was coming soon if they didn't run. They ran.
We drove down our driveway that is about the size of our old road in KS. As we got to the end, I paused and looked to see if any pecans had fallen from the tree. I recently learned that they don't fall every year in some cases. This is a year we aren't getting any, apparently. It's a shame too. My father in law has collected several large bags at their home. He says its about $1000 worth. Hoping at least one pecan falls before Christmas. Sure would be fun to have a free holiday!
I do my grocery shopping at the local Walmart but prefer Piggly Wiggly or even the Grocery Outlet. They have the best, freshest meat. I had a decent garden this Spring and plan to have a bigger one next year. We had eggplant, squash, watermelon, cantaloupe, okra, tomatoes and peppers. Right now we only have onions and garlic. Hopefully I can get out there and plant some corn before it gets cold. Yes, cold.
From time to time, I stop and think about life today verses life "one year ago". Extremely different.
Now, we can see every single star in the sky and some of the planets on most nights. And we hear absolutely nothing from our yard. We have neighbors, but we have no idea when they are home or not. We have so much privacy that it was no issue at all that night Jamie ran out to the shed in his underwear.
The closest Target is 30 miles away. The mall is about the same.
But we have every single thing we need right here. The things I thought I would miss and actually mourned in the beginning, I don't miss at all today. The things I thought I "needed", well I can't even remember what they were.
We have it all. Literally.
We have bought the most beautiful home. It's almost 4000 square feet, more than twice the size of our home in KS. Our yard, well, its more than just a yard. Think a beautiful national park. Amazing green grass surrounded by trees that are bigger than most I have ever seen. At least 100 years old. We have fox squirrels that hang in our yard and are so much fun to watch. We also have deer that lazily graze and search for food. Truly breathtaking.
And we've made some amazing friends. We have playdates, playgroups, lunches, brunches, dinners, parties and fun outings of every kind. I actually have friends that I know I can call in crunch and they will help in a heartbeat.
We are back where we started 17 years ago when we met in Valdosta, GA. Back in the south where the dirt is red, the air is warm, the beach is near, the flowers bloom year round and the locals bundle up when the temp drops below 65. We are home.
One year ago, we left what I thought then to be home. Now I know we are home.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
New school year... new house, new town, new friends.
All sorts of newness here. But we are chugging along and doing great. The "newness" hasn't quite worn off. I guess if I ever finished unpacking then it might. One day.
For now, we have been busy getting the two big ones back in school! I can honestly say that NO tears were shed at all on the first day this year. Not even a mist. I was completely ready for these children to be back in the classroom and out of this house. Love them, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So we now have a 7th grader and a 1st grader. I was laughing to myself (a nervous laugh) thinking how when Caleb is a Senior, Faith will be in 6th grade and Ashley will be in 4th. Geesh. That spacing couldn't be anymore far apart. We'll be sending one to college and preparing for middle school at the same time. Very interesting.
It's taking me wayyy too long to write this post. I started this last week. That gives you a good idea as to what life is like these days!
Other VERY exciting news!!!... Ashley is now fully potty trained! I am so proud of this baby girl! She just decided it was time. I tried a few failed attempts and then suddenly, it clicked for her. We have way more panties than we will ever be able to wear but it seems the only "treat" she really wants for her success.
This means NO MORE DIAPERS in the Schmittendorf house. After 13 years of having babies, we are done. And I am (GASP!) OK with this. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit giddy. I can not believe I didn't break down into a ball of quivering tears but all I see is extra money, less smell and less diaper rash. Hooray!
MORE exciting news.... we officially closed on the house last week. It's ours. After several months, long talks and digging deep into attempts of seeing our future, we own this house. And we couldn't be happier.
When this whole journey back to Enterprise began, I was adamant that this would not be our home. Turns out, home is where your heart is. And come to find out, our hearts are here amongst these brick walls.
I thought it would be strange to own the house that Jim and Bonnie once purchased with dreams of their own. Even stranger to own the house that Bonnie was so sick in and eventually lost her battle to Leukemia here in this very house.
I quickly learned that the comfort and ease I felt in this beautiful house was exactly what we needed to make it a home. And I know that Bonnie would love knowing that we were going to keep this house and carry it on with our dreams.
So its now our home. And its a beautiful home. With many memories already living amongst us and many more to come. It warms my heart to see my kiddos running through the massive yard and knowing that this is our forever home. One day, our grandchildren will run through this yard. And we can tell them that their great grandma helped plant the trees they climb in. Very special and extremely precious to us.
We are good. Almost nine months into our new life and we are good. Very good. New school year, new house, new town and new friends. Life is good!
For now, we have been busy getting the two big ones back in school! I can honestly say that NO tears were shed at all on the first day this year. Not even a mist. I was completely ready for these children to be back in the classroom and out of this house. Love them, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So we now have a 7th grader and a 1st grader. I was laughing to myself (a nervous laugh) thinking how when Caleb is a Senior, Faith will be in 6th grade and Ashley will be in 4th. Geesh. That spacing couldn't be anymore far apart. We'll be sending one to college and preparing for middle school at the same time. Very interesting.
It's taking me wayyy too long to write this post. I started this last week. That gives you a good idea as to what life is like these days!
Other VERY exciting news!!!... Ashley is now fully potty trained! I am so proud of this baby girl! She just decided it was time. I tried a few failed attempts and then suddenly, it clicked for her. We have way more panties than we will ever be able to wear but it seems the only "treat" she really wants for her success.
This means NO MORE DIAPERS in the Schmittendorf house. After 13 years of having babies, we are done. And I am (GASP!) OK with this. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit giddy. I can not believe I didn't break down into a ball of quivering tears but all I see is extra money, less smell and less diaper rash. Hooray!
MORE exciting news.... we officially closed on the house last week. It's ours. After several months, long talks and digging deep into attempts of seeing our future, we own this house. And we couldn't be happier.
When this whole journey back to Enterprise began, I was adamant that this would not be our home. Turns out, home is where your heart is. And come to find out, our hearts are here amongst these brick walls.
I thought it would be strange to own the house that Jim and Bonnie once purchased with dreams of their own. Even stranger to own the house that Bonnie was so sick in and eventually lost her battle to Leukemia here in this very house.
I quickly learned that the comfort and ease I felt in this beautiful house was exactly what we needed to make it a home. And I know that Bonnie would love knowing that we were going to keep this house and carry it on with our dreams.
So its now our home. And its a beautiful home. With many memories already living amongst us and many more to come. It warms my heart to see my kiddos running through the massive yard and knowing that this is our forever home. One day, our grandchildren will run through this yard. And we can tell them that their great grandma helped plant the trees they climb in. Very special and extremely precious to us.
We are good. Almost nine months into our new life and we are good. Very good. New school year, new house, new town and new friends. Life is good!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Summer Fun!
Here we are in the midst of Summer. I was dreading these hot and humid southern months. I remember them all too well.
But its really not been bad! The rain showers are what keep catching me off guard. They call them "splash and dash showers". Whatever they are, they can really ruin outdoor plans quickly!
The weather has been very similar to KC summer except, the evenings are quite different. Almost breezy. I don't get it. Maybe its our location, maybe its luck. Who knows. I'll take it though!
We've been hitting the lake
There is a super cool and fun water trampoline...
And these are great
And of course, the wading is perfect
We've also been hanging at the park with some great new friends
And found a wonderful pool on post
So we've staying busy. And water logged.
We've also made a few really great friends. Lots and lots of girls down here! I thought Faith would be in heaven, and she is, but she has really taken to one little boy in particular. I over heard her telling him "If I call you Braden, just say OK." She was teaching him Karate and basically molding him into her own little Braden. Funny thing is that his name is Brody. And he showed up to our house wearing cotton shorts and a white tshirt. Faith said "MOM! He even dresses like Braden!"
I'm still working at the church nursery. Best. Job. Ever. I get to play with other peoples kids, get paid, and go home with only my three. And the babies!! Cutest little things ever. So lucky to have found such a nice opportunity.
The other BIG news is that it seems our sweet little Ashley is now done with diapers. Almost as exciting as rejoining the military! NO MORE DIAPERS!! I'm sure that typing this out will result in her having an accident momentarily. But today is day four of big girl panties and NO ACCIDENTS! I'm quite proud of my "fastest diaper changer" title so I'm not sure what my new talent will be with this task out of hand. Perhaps I can take up knitting. Who knows.
I tried to figure out how many diapers I've changed in the past 12 years. The number was too daunting. 12 years of diapers. Geesh.
The most exciting thing in our lives thus far is the most recent addition of a military man. Well, re-addition. Jamie signed his life back over to the government. This time, on a part time basis. He's joined the Air National Guard. You can take the man out of the military but you can't take the military out of the man. So he might as well just continue to serve.
To say I'm proud of him is quite an understatement. This man is amazing. He is not only following his dreams and doing something he loves, but he is providing for our family. I am so lucky to have this wonderful man as a husband. While the fear of deployment will always be there, that is what I originally signed up for when we married so I'm ok with it. Serving our country and providing for family is his #1 priority.
And did I mention how much I love a man in uniform???
July 11th marked our 15th wedding anniversary.
We've had an amazing journey so far. Many moves, many different companies, many pregnancies and many losses. Three beautiful children, so many smiles, laughs, and wonderful memories. I am so excited to see what the next 15 years has in store. I have a feeling a whole new chapter is starting to unfold. Being diaper free opens up so many doors!!
I love my life.
But its really not been bad! The rain showers are what keep catching me off guard. They call them "splash and dash showers". Whatever they are, they can really ruin outdoor plans quickly!
The weather has been very similar to KC summer except, the evenings are quite different. Almost breezy. I don't get it. Maybe its our location, maybe its luck. Who knows. I'll take it though!
We've been hitting the lake
We've also been hanging at the park with some great new friends
So we've staying busy. And water logged.
We've also made a few really great friends. Lots and lots of girls down here! I thought Faith would be in heaven, and she is, but she has really taken to one little boy in particular. I over heard her telling him "If I call you Braden, just say OK." She was teaching him Karate and basically molding him into her own little Braden. Funny thing is that his name is Brody. And he showed up to our house wearing cotton shorts and a white tshirt. Faith said "MOM! He even dresses like Braden!"
I'm still working at the church nursery. Best. Job. Ever. I get to play with other peoples kids, get paid, and go home with only my three. And the babies!! Cutest little things ever. So lucky to have found such a nice opportunity.
The other BIG news is that it seems our sweet little Ashley is now done with diapers. Almost as exciting as rejoining the military! NO MORE DIAPERS!! I'm sure that typing this out will result in her having an accident momentarily. But today is day four of big girl panties and NO ACCIDENTS! I'm quite proud of my "fastest diaper changer" title so I'm not sure what my new talent will be with this task out of hand. Perhaps I can take up knitting. Who knows.
I tried to figure out how many diapers I've changed in the past 12 years. The number was too daunting. 12 years of diapers. Geesh.
The most exciting thing in our lives thus far is the most recent addition of a military man. Well, re-addition. Jamie signed his life back over to the government. This time, on a part time basis. He's joined the Air National Guard. You can take the man out of the military but you can't take the military out of the man. So he might as well just continue to serve.
To say I'm proud of him is quite an understatement. This man is amazing. He is not only following his dreams and doing something he loves, but he is providing for our family. I am so lucky to have this wonderful man as a husband. While the fear of deployment will always be there, that is what I originally signed up for when we married so I'm ok with it. Serving our country and providing for family is his #1 priority.
And did I mention how much I love a man in uniform???
July 11th marked our 15th wedding anniversary.
We've had an amazing journey so far. Many moves, many different companies, many pregnancies and many losses. Three beautiful children, so many smiles, laughs, and wonderful memories. I am so excited to see what the next 15 years has in store. I have a feeling a whole new chapter is starting to unfold. Being diaper free opens up so many doors!!
I love my life.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Six months....
I've started writing a new post no less than one million times. But a small person continuously side tracks me and I either forget what I was doing, or get busy doing something else. Typically for the small person.
School's out for the Summer. I have no more free time and always have a child on me, near me, next to me, yelling for me, needing me or crying for me.
I love it. Is that strange?
I get frustrated and often dream of living on a desert island with just beautiful sandy beaches and a cabana boy keeping my fruity, umbrella drink cool and full. Then I realize that THAT would NOT be me. That isn't the life I dreamt of and wished for. This is the life I wanted and am so thankful I have.
The 2 year old that panics if she can't get a visual on me in less than a nano second, the 6 year old that throws a temper tantrum better than any child I have ever witnessed and the 12 year old who is teetering on no longer being a child but being a teen and experiencing using different tones when speaking with me.
This is my life.
And I love it.
It's been 6 months since our move. Hard to believe that is was 6 months ago when we quietly pulled out of our driveway and off of Noreston St. Jamie behind the wheel of the 32 ft Penske truck and me driving the mini van full of sleepy children and a confused beagle.
Ok. It wasn't that quiet actually. It was pretty loud and I'm sure the neighbors cursed us one last time and we rolled away.
But whatever. It's been six months.
And I can honestly say that things are really good. The transition has not been easy for me. The kids have done beautifully but their old mom has struggled. But things are wonderful and perfect. I have no doubt in my mind that we made the right choice and no doubt we are back home where we belong.
School's out for the Summer. I have no more free time and always have a child on me, near me, next to me, yelling for me, needing me or crying for me.
I love it. Is that strange?
I get frustrated and often dream of living on a desert island with just beautiful sandy beaches and a cabana boy keeping my fruity, umbrella drink cool and full. Then I realize that THAT would NOT be me. That isn't the life I dreamt of and wished for. This is the life I wanted and am so thankful I have.
The 2 year old that panics if she can't get a visual on me in less than a nano second, the 6 year old that throws a temper tantrum better than any child I have ever witnessed and the 12 year old who is teetering on no longer being a child but being a teen and experiencing using different tones when speaking with me.
This is my life.
And I love it.
It's been 6 months since our move. Hard to believe that is was 6 months ago when we quietly pulled out of our driveway and off of Noreston St. Jamie behind the wheel of the 32 ft Penske truck and me driving the mini van full of sleepy children and a confused beagle.
Ok. It wasn't that quiet actually. It was pretty loud and I'm sure the neighbors cursed us one last time and we rolled away.
But whatever. It's been six months.
And I can honestly say that things are really good. The transition has not been easy for me. The kids have done beautifully but their old mom has struggled. But things are wonderful and perfect. I have no doubt in my mind that we made the right choice and no doubt we are back home where we belong.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Super fun week that we never wanted to end
So the Keelers made the trek from Kansas City to Enterprise. We were so excited to see them!! It was so fun having friends here 24/7 for a whole week.
We showed them the town and after that 5 minutes were up, we went to the Ft Rucker Aviation museum, to Zaxbys, Milky Moos, a mexican buffet, a great local park with ton of fun stuff, a park by the lake and, of course, the beach. Whew. It was a fun week.
We saw a lot of this.....
and this...
and even this...
But Evan wouldn't let me take him for a ride on the tractor. Only sat on it with the engine off. Next time I'll have him driving the tractor!
It was fun to show the Keelers our new world and fun having them make some new memories here with us. Now we will always look at this tractor and remember Evan sitting on it. Or the chickens that Heather LOVED. (sort of)
But we will definitely remember this...
And this...
And of course, this...
The goodbye part was hard. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening up until the very last minute. And then all of those feelings came rushing to the surface. The same ones I pushed down when we left KC back in December.
Then I realized... I don't miss KC. I loved living there but it wasn't the city that I loved. It was the people.
Some amazing friends gave me a really neat picture with the most perfect saying on it before we left. It says:
We showed them the town and after that 5 minutes were up, we went to the Ft Rucker Aviation museum, to Zaxbys, Milky Moos, a mexican buffet, a great local park with ton of fun stuff, a park by the lake and, of course, the beach. Whew. It was a fun week.
and this...
It was fun to show the Keelers our new world and fun having them make some new memories here with us. Now we will always look at this tractor and remember Evan sitting on it. Or the chickens that Heather LOVED. (sort of)
But we will definitely remember this...
The goodbye part was hard. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening up until the very last minute. And then all of those feelings came rushing to the surface. The same ones I pushed down when we left KC back in December.
Then I realized... I don't miss KC. I loved living there but it wasn't the city that I loved. It was the people.
Some amazing friends gave me a really neat picture with the most perfect saying on it before we left. It says:
HOME ISN'T A HOUSE
OR A SINGLE TOWN ON A MAP.
IT IS WHEREVER THE PEOPLE
WHO LOVE YOU ARE.
NOT A PLACE, BUT A MOMENT
AND THEN ANOTHER, BUILDING
ON EACH OTHER LIKE BRICKS
TO CREATE A SOLID SHELTER
THAT YOU TAKE WITH YOU
FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE,
WHEREVER YOU MAY GO.
My house is now in Enterprise. But my home is in several places. And my solid shelter is pretty darn solid and will be with me forever.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Another month...
So its been 3 full months since we pulled out of KC with that gigantic Penske truck hauling all of our possessions. Some days, I feel like we've been here forever and its home. Other days, I long to hop back in the car and "go home".
I do love it here though. Its a learning process and a change of pace but its good. When I think about what I miss from KC, its all about the people, not the place. But there are a lot of things (and people) I do not miss in KC and so glad that those things are behind us. One day at a time. So far, so good.
On the dad front, well, one day at a time there too. Old man landed back in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Heart rate was too high and blood pressure was too low. Took a while but they think they have it figured out. They had to knock him out and "shock" his heart to get it regulated again. They didn't really knock him out though. Gave him some drugs that wouldn't allow him to remember. He says they worked great but that the only thing he remembers is getting shocked. Ugh. I'm not a doctor but I would think that would be the #1 thing they would aim to have the patient NOT remember. Regardless, that little procedure worked. I was skeptical of him pulling through that one. I should have known better. I'm coming to realize that my dad has about 29 lives. This man is going to out live all of us.
Hopefully, he will be released from the hospital this week and then start his new journey at a new community. It's an assisted living center that seems perfect for him. Someone will do his laundry, cook his meals and even watch him shower if he so desires. What more could he possibly want??
March 1 was the one year anniversary of losing sweet Bonnie. I think the lead up to that day was worse than the day itself. No one really knew what to expect or how they would handle that big one year mark. Having been through 20+ of those dreadful anniversaries, I knew it would be hard but I also knew it wouldn't be any different than any other day. Any day without your mom is a challenge. You just learn how to deal with those challenges and how to keep on moving.
We had all the grandchildren write on balloons and we released them up to heaven for messages for Mimi. After we released balloons, we all went to dinner and we did what probably no one expected. We laughed, we played, we made some new memories. Everyone came back here for some good old card games and the kids ran around playing, laughing and just being kids. It couldn't have been more perfect. Exactly what Bonnie would have wanted. Exactly what everyone needed. Each other, and lots of laughter.
Last weekend was the Cinderella Ball in town. That's right. Cinderella's Ball. Of course, Princess Faith was on board for this adventure. Jamie and her had a special date night that was just amazing. I'm so happy he did this with just her. What a special memory for her to have.
So we are making this home. One ball at a time. I feel a minor set back coming though. I'm ok with it but I foresee it happening. Some friends are coming to visit from KC this weekend. I am so excited to have these people in our home and have their boys running around here. I can not wait to see their sweet little faces and have them become part of our new memories in Enterprise. But I know they will leave and head back to KC. Life down here would be perfect if I could get them to stay and convince them to bring my other two favorite little boys with them. Wonder if Jamie would notice if I moved two families in??
I'll take the setback. Can not wait to see them!
I do love it here though. Its a learning process and a change of pace but its good. When I think about what I miss from KC, its all about the people, not the place. But there are a lot of things (and people) I do not miss in KC and so glad that those things are behind us. One day at a time. So far, so good.
On the dad front, well, one day at a time there too. Old man landed back in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Heart rate was too high and blood pressure was too low. Took a while but they think they have it figured out. They had to knock him out and "shock" his heart to get it regulated again. They didn't really knock him out though. Gave him some drugs that wouldn't allow him to remember. He says they worked great but that the only thing he remembers is getting shocked. Ugh. I'm not a doctor but I would think that would be the #1 thing they would aim to have the patient NOT remember. Regardless, that little procedure worked. I was skeptical of him pulling through that one. I should have known better. I'm coming to realize that my dad has about 29 lives. This man is going to out live all of us.
Hopefully, he will be released from the hospital this week and then start his new journey at a new community. It's an assisted living center that seems perfect for him. Someone will do his laundry, cook his meals and even watch him shower if he so desires. What more could he possibly want??
March 1 was the one year anniversary of losing sweet Bonnie. I think the lead up to that day was worse than the day itself. No one really knew what to expect or how they would handle that big one year mark. Having been through 20+ of those dreadful anniversaries, I knew it would be hard but I also knew it wouldn't be any different than any other day. Any day without your mom is a challenge. You just learn how to deal with those challenges and how to keep on moving.
We had all the grandchildren write on balloons and we released them up to heaven for messages for Mimi. After we released balloons, we all went to dinner and we did what probably no one expected. We laughed, we played, we made some new memories. Everyone came back here for some good old card games and the kids ran around playing, laughing and just being kids. It couldn't have been more perfect. Exactly what Bonnie would have wanted. Exactly what everyone needed. Each other, and lots of laughter.
Last weekend was the Cinderella Ball in town. That's right. Cinderella's Ball. Of course, Princess Faith was on board for this adventure. Jamie and her had a special date night that was just amazing. I'm so happy he did this with just her. What a special memory for her to have.
So we are making this home. One ball at a time. I feel a minor set back coming though. I'm ok with it but I foresee it happening. Some friends are coming to visit from KC this weekend. I am so excited to have these people in our home and have their boys running around here. I can not wait to see their sweet little faces and have them become part of our new memories in Enterprise. But I know they will leave and head back to KC. Life down here would be perfect if I could get them to stay and convince them to bring my other two favorite little boys with them. Wonder if Jamie would notice if I moved two families in??
I'll take the setback. Can not wait to see them!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Unplugged and still ticking
Here it is only February and the year is already crazy. I guess calm just isn't part of our world. Whatever. We deal with it.
So... on Wednesday, January 23rd, my dad had a doctors appointment that landed him in the ER. He wasn't well. He hadn't been well. We all knew this but no one knew to what extent. Not even him.
Long story shorter, I decided I needed to get to Kansas City and got on a plane Saturday morning. As I landed in KC, I learned that my dad was on a ventilator, unable to breathe on his own.
Terrifying.
I think the most terrifying part was knowing he was alone. Just not something you want for someone you love.
Or someone you hate.
A dear friend of mine picked me up at the airport and whisked me away to the hospital. Thank God she was with me because I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw.
It was my dad in a way I never envisioned. Lifeless, breathing with each push of the machine, not moving. Such an odd sight and a horrifying realization that he may never piss me off again. I wanted him to sit up and say something to piss me off. But he didn't.
I spent the next three days at his side. I had a crossword puzzle but usually got lost in the motion of the machine making him breathe. And waiting to see what he could do (or couldn't do) on his own. With each trial of removing the ventilator, it was obvious he was not able to breathe without these tubes. And each doctor that entered the room seemed to paint such a dismal situation. And with each passing hour, I knew that this was not what he would want.
His brothers and sisters, my sister and I all discussed and knew what needed to be done. I made arrangements with Hospice and got the information on who to call once that last breath was taken. I made many phone calls to many different people letting them know the situation.
Many tears were shed.
Wednesday morning we were all to gather at the hospital. I arrived extra early, like I had been doing. He was awake and semi alert. They sedations had been minimized in order to increase his chances of being able to breath on his own. He followed me with his eyes.
I asked him if he wanted the tubes out, he nodded his head yes. I asked him if he knew he may not be able to breathe without them, he nodded his head yes.
Then something peculiar happened.
He made a gun with his pointer finger and his thumb. Since his arms were restrained (common for patients on vents), he leaned a bit to the side with his "gun" aimed at his chin. I was horrified but asked him if he wanted a gun. His eyes looked deep into mine and he made his gun again and did this motion yet again. And again. And again.
I was devastated at what he was asking but also felt he knew this was the end.
Then I looked at him again and saw frustration on his face. And then it hit me.
"Daddy. Do you have an itch?"
Yes. That's it. An itch on his chin. Of course. The man isn't asking for a gun, his asking for someone to scratch his beard we've told him needed trimmed for years.
I scratched his beard, laughed and slowly realized this outcome might not be what we are all thinking.
Fast forward three hours.
My dad was tube free, breathing on his own, sitting up, watching the History channel and asking if the nurse would scratch his ass and angry we weren't bringing him a diet coke.
And he had already managed to piss me off.
Hospice backed off and the transplant team that was on hold for his eyes were notified. He later apologized for this in his smart alleck way.
It's been almost two weeks since we unplugged my dad. He's now in a rehab facility with a good chance of returning to his apartment or perhaps an assisted care situation. Regardless, he's not dead.
He is sick and does have a long road ahead of him. He has several lung ailments on top of his Congestive Heart Failure. But that was not his time to go.
I'm hopeful he will eventually be able to make a trip down to our new home and see where we have settled ourselves. He would love it here. The peace and quiet, the country, the animals and the closeness to the ocean would all make him quite happy. Hopefully he'll be here soon to see everything. For now, he needs to get stronger.
I ask him how he is feeling and he says "Pretty good for a dead guy."
And he also reassured me that I should not make a career out of caring for terminally ill patients and that I suck at charades. Doctors has said he wouldn't remember a lot but of course he remember this. That's ok.
He doesn't remember me cutting his moustache or nose hairs. Touche' old man.
So... on Wednesday, January 23rd, my dad had a doctors appointment that landed him in the ER. He wasn't well. He hadn't been well. We all knew this but no one knew to what extent. Not even him.
Long story shorter, I decided I needed to get to Kansas City and got on a plane Saturday morning. As I landed in KC, I learned that my dad was on a ventilator, unable to breathe on his own.
Terrifying.
I think the most terrifying part was knowing he was alone. Just not something you want for someone you love.
Or someone you hate.
A dear friend of mine picked me up at the airport and whisked me away to the hospital. Thank God she was with me because I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw.
It was my dad in a way I never envisioned. Lifeless, breathing with each push of the machine, not moving. Such an odd sight and a horrifying realization that he may never piss me off again. I wanted him to sit up and say something to piss me off. But he didn't.
I spent the next three days at his side. I had a crossword puzzle but usually got lost in the motion of the machine making him breathe. And waiting to see what he could do (or couldn't do) on his own. With each trial of removing the ventilator, it was obvious he was not able to breathe without these tubes. And each doctor that entered the room seemed to paint such a dismal situation. And with each passing hour, I knew that this was not what he would want.
His brothers and sisters, my sister and I all discussed and knew what needed to be done. I made arrangements with Hospice and got the information on who to call once that last breath was taken. I made many phone calls to many different people letting them know the situation.
Many tears were shed.
Wednesday morning we were all to gather at the hospital. I arrived extra early, like I had been doing. He was awake and semi alert. They sedations had been minimized in order to increase his chances of being able to breath on his own. He followed me with his eyes.
I asked him if he wanted the tubes out, he nodded his head yes. I asked him if he knew he may not be able to breathe without them, he nodded his head yes.
Then something peculiar happened.
He made a gun with his pointer finger and his thumb. Since his arms were restrained (common for patients on vents), he leaned a bit to the side with his "gun" aimed at his chin. I was horrified but asked him if he wanted a gun. His eyes looked deep into mine and he made his gun again and did this motion yet again. And again. And again.
I was devastated at what he was asking but also felt he knew this was the end.
Then I looked at him again and saw frustration on his face. And then it hit me.
"Daddy. Do you have an itch?"
Yes. That's it. An itch on his chin. Of course. The man isn't asking for a gun, his asking for someone to scratch his beard we've told him needed trimmed for years.
I scratched his beard, laughed and slowly realized this outcome might not be what we are all thinking.
Fast forward three hours.
My dad was tube free, breathing on his own, sitting up, watching the History channel and asking if the nurse would scratch his ass and angry we weren't bringing him a diet coke.
And he had already managed to piss me off.
Hospice backed off and the transplant team that was on hold for his eyes were notified. He later apologized for this in his smart alleck way.
It's been almost two weeks since we unplugged my dad. He's now in a rehab facility with a good chance of returning to his apartment or perhaps an assisted care situation. Regardless, he's not dead.
He is sick and does have a long road ahead of him. He has several lung ailments on top of his Congestive Heart Failure. But that was not his time to go.
I'm hopeful he will eventually be able to make a trip down to our new home and see where we have settled ourselves. He would love it here. The peace and quiet, the country, the animals and the closeness to the ocean would all make him quite happy. Hopefully he'll be here soon to see everything. For now, he needs to get stronger.
I ask him how he is feeling and he says "Pretty good for a dead guy."
And he also reassured me that I should not make a career out of caring for terminally ill patients and that I suck at charades. Doctors has said he wouldn't remember a lot but of course he remember this. That's ok.
He doesn't remember me cutting his moustache or nose hairs. Touche' old man.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
I stink at blogging....
I really am going to give this a better attempt this year. There are a lot of people who fuss at me for not keeping this up. Shut up, already. Been a little busy.
2012 was not the best of years and I can honestly say I'm not horribly sad that it's over. We are ready for a new start. Might as well be, we can't have any more of a new start than this.
If you haven't heard, we've moved. After being in KC for 10 years, an opportunity was presented back south and we decided it was time to pack up and head home. Home for Jamie, close to home for me. There are pine trees and pine cones here so it feels right. The palm trees keep throwing me off a bit but I sure love seeing the signs for the beaches!
Leaving KC was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. I had made some amazing friends there and was so sad to leave them behind. I know we'll always be friends but being able to go have a quick lunch, a cup of coffee, a glass or wine or even go hunting for Chupacabra on a whim will never happen again.
But it was time to move on.
A lot of amazing memories were made in KC. And a lot of life lessons were had. I learned a lot about myself as a person and a mother. I learned how far I could be pushed and how little I was willing to take when my children's safety was at stake. I learned how much I could care about another person and I learned that family isn't always bonded by blood but rather by life, places and time.
So here we are, back south. Boiled peanuts, sweet tea, pine needles and gorgeous sunsets.
We have settled into Jamie's parents old home. His father remarried in November and moved about 20 minutes away (closer to the beach!). Rather than just any old joe moving into this house, we have decided to purchase it and make it our home. I feel that Bonnie would be okay with this. I know how much she loved this house and this land. She'll enjoy watching her grandbabies run around her house creating new memories.
Faith and Caleb have both started school and are doing quite well. Faith is at the Kindergarten center which has all kindergarten for the entire town. Beautiful, brand new school with top notch everything. It's really wonderful! She goes from 8:00 until 3:00. Things here start an hour earlier. I guess everyone gets up when the rooster does. Still adjusting to that.
Caleb has the same hours so I drop him in the morning and rush to the opposite side of town to drop Faith. Then at pick up, I grab Faith and reverse my path from morning. Yes, there is a bus that rolls right by our house but even though our zip code changed, I can't totally let go off my insecurities. I need to SEE my children walk into the school and I need to have them with me at the end of the day.
Caleb has been quite popular, being the new boy and all. Has already had a couple of sleepovers and many phone calls. I hear him chatting with his KC buds on XBox and makes me so thankful for modern technology. He's just growing his collection of friends and I'm so proud of him for making good choices along that path.
Jamie is working at Ft Rucker. He is actually working at the Safety Center. I have no idea what this involves or even means. He is still a systems engineer and no longer works with classified information so I really have no reason why I still don't know what my husband does. I'm sure I would be enthralled by that conversation shall it ever happen.
Ashley will be 2 on the 19th of January. Two. So hard to believe. She is such a funny, sweet, sensitive little girl. She prefers ruffles and purses to anything dirty. And she loves any kind of animal just like her brother and sister.
I am so lucky to still be home with these kiddos. Of course, its just Ashley and I from 8-3 but that is fun too! I feel like I had that with the other two so only fair I have it with her too.
So we're adjusting. We know this move was the best thing ever and we are so excited to be back in the south. But as you get older, change is harder. But change is also good. It just needs time to grow on you.
It's starting to grow on me.
2012 was not the best of years and I can honestly say I'm not horribly sad that it's over. We are ready for a new start. Might as well be, we can't have any more of a new start than this.
If you haven't heard, we've moved. After being in KC for 10 years, an opportunity was presented back south and we decided it was time to pack up and head home. Home for Jamie, close to home for me. There are pine trees and pine cones here so it feels right. The palm trees keep throwing me off a bit but I sure love seeing the signs for the beaches!
Leaving KC was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. I had made some amazing friends there and was so sad to leave them behind. I know we'll always be friends but being able to go have a quick lunch, a cup of coffee, a glass or wine or even go hunting for Chupacabra on a whim will never happen again.
But it was time to move on.
A lot of amazing memories were made in KC. And a lot of life lessons were had. I learned a lot about myself as a person and a mother. I learned how far I could be pushed and how little I was willing to take when my children's safety was at stake. I learned how much I could care about another person and I learned that family isn't always bonded by blood but rather by life, places and time.
So here we are, back south. Boiled peanuts, sweet tea, pine needles and gorgeous sunsets.
We have settled into Jamie's parents old home. His father remarried in November and moved about 20 minutes away (closer to the beach!). Rather than just any old joe moving into this house, we have decided to purchase it and make it our home. I feel that Bonnie would be okay with this. I know how much she loved this house and this land. She'll enjoy watching her grandbabies run around her house creating new memories.
Faith and Caleb have both started school and are doing quite well. Faith is at the Kindergarten center which has all kindergarten for the entire town. Beautiful, brand new school with top notch everything. It's really wonderful! She goes from 8:00 until 3:00. Things here start an hour earlier. I guess everyone gets up when the rooster does. Still adjusting to that.
Caleb has the same hours so I drop him in the morning and rush to the opposite side of town to drop Faith. Then at pick up, I grab Faith and reverse my path from morning. Yes, there is a bus that rolls right by our house but even though our zip code changed, I can't totally let go off my insecurities. I need to SEE my children walk into the school and I need to have them with me at the end of the day.
Caleb has been quite popular, being the new boy and all. Has already had a couple of sleepovers and many phone calls. I hear him chatting with his KC buds on XBox and makes me so thankful for modern technology. He's just growing his collection of friends and I'm so proud of him for making good choices along that path.
Jamie is working at Ft Rucker. He is actually working at the Safety Center. I have no idea what this involves or even means. He is still a systems engineer and no longer works with classified information so I really have no reason why I still don't know what my husband does. I'm sure I would be enthralled by that conversation shall it ever happen.
Ashley will be 2 on the 19th of January. Two. So hard to believe. She is such a funny, sweet, sensitive little girl. She prefers ruffles and purses to anything dirty. And she loves any kind of animal just like her brother and sister.
I am so lucky to still be home with these kiddos. Of course, its just Ashley and I from 8-3 but that is fun too! I feel like I had that with the other two so only fair I have it with her too.
So we're adjusting. We know this move was the best thing ever and we are so excited to be back in the south. But as you get older, change is harder. But change is also good. It just needs time to grow on you.
It's starting to grow on me.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Faith starts Kindergarten
Five years ago this month, we were told that our little baby had a congenital heart defect and that she would need surgery immediately to ensure her survival. We were told the prognosis was unknown. We were told that it was a very rare condition. We were told all sorts of horrifying things that parents of a 4 month old baby don't want to be told.
We prepared for her first heart catherization and we prayed. A lot.
Fast forward 5 years and here we are. With this baby. Sending her off to Kindergarten.
Talk about picking out the perfect name for your kid. We hit the nail on the head with this one.
So, I've cried a lot this week. Most people see me bawling and probably think I'm a crazy mom who just wants to shelter her kids and not let them venture into the world. I am. But I am also a mom who is crazy happy that this child is able to venture out into the world. I'm crying because I'm happy. They are mainly happy tears. Tears for what I know this child will accomplish and tears for what I know lies ahead of her. And I see nothing but wonderful things for her.
For all my children. They are all miracles, aren't they?
Caleb is two days in and loving it. (fingers and toes crossed things stay that way!) And Faith is asking me when she can go full day and eat lunch at school. No tears from my kids.
Now it's just Ashley and I from 8:50 until 11:50. Three full hours of just one kid. Jamie pointed out all the things I might be able to accomplish during that time. Yep. I see lots of storytimes, park play, building and discovering in our future. I'm excited and so blessed to have one on one time with Ashley now. All my kids have had this and I'm so happy that its worked out this way! So thankful.
It's been an emotional week. I'm now the mom of a Middle Schooler preteen, a Kindergartner and a toddler. But the best part is that I'm THEIR mom. And they are MY kids.
Life really is precious and it really is amazing.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Ashley is 18 months
I have no idea how that happened. Seriously. Just yesterday I found out that we were going to have a third baby and was completely dumbfounded and deliriously happy.
Now she is a walking, talking, singing, climbing, jumping, running happy littlebaby girl.
We had her 18 month appointment today and she is such a healthy one. By healthy, of course, I mean huge. She weighed in at 28 lbs 4 ounces and 33 1/4" tall. Well, I guess she isn't as huge as she once was. She is on the charts which is not at all what I'm accustomed to with her big bro and sis.
The nurse gave her one shot today. I gave Ashley a big bear hug while the nurse sneaked in and gave her the shot very quickly. Ash let out an enormous scream and then said "OH NO! Boo boo" and then the nurse covered the area with a band-aid and Ash said "Thank you."
It was so sad and so sweet. Of course I got teary like I always do when my kiddos are given shots. But she sure made me laugh. She makes us all laugh!
She has a nasty summer cold and has been sneezing, coughing and dealing with watery eyes all day. Poor baby. She sneezed earlier this afternoon and ran to the laundry room. I followed her but she was coming out by the time I got there. Later, she did this again. It was then that I realized she was wiping her snotty nose on the dirty clothes in the laundry room. Genius.
Happy 18th months, Ashley Marie. We love you, you smart little girl. But you'll always be my baby.
Now she is a walking, talking, singing, climbing, jumping, running happy little
We had her 18 month appointment today and she is such a healthy one. By healthy, of course, I mean huge. She weighed in at 28 lbs 4 ounces and 33 1/4" tall. Well, I guess she isn't as huge as she once was. She is on the charts which is not at all what I'm accustomed to with her big bro and sis.
The nurse gave her one shot today. I gave Ashley a big bear hug while the nurse sneaked in and gave her the shot very quickly. Ash let out an enormous scream and then said "OH NO! Boo boo" and then the nurse covered the area with a band-aid and Ash said "Thank you."
It was so sad and so sweet. Of course I got teary like I always do when my kiddos are given shots. But she sure made me laugh. She makes us all laugh!
She has a nasty summer cold and has been sneezing, coughing and dealing with watery eyes all day. Poor baby. She sneezed earlier this afternoon and ran to the laundry room. I followed her but she was coming out by the time I got there. Later, she did this again. It was then that I realized she was wiping her snotty nose on the dirty clothes in the laundry room. Genius.
Happy 18th months, Ashley Marie. We love you, you smart little girl. But you'll always be my baby.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Blogging isn't working
Alright... I tried to come back and blog like I used to and keep everyone up to date on our family. It isn't working.
Having three kids sucks so much energy out of me and what energy is left, is spent on trying to remember what I was planning on doing next. And chances are, I will only remember what I was going to do next just after I finally lay down for the night only delaying that much needed sleep even more.
Some people call it pregnancy brain but what do we call it when there is no longer a life form growing in your belly but rather in your home?
So... a quick update.
Summer has been a ton of fun so far.
Jamie, Caleb, Pops and Colin all took an 8 day trip to Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Mt Rushmore and a million other places along the way. They made some amazing memories and saw some places that some people never see in a lifetime.
The girls and I stayed home so that they could make this trip with less bathroom breaks, whining, screaming and tantrums.
And I wasn't sure how the girls would handle it either.
Caleb then set off for a 10 day excursion to Boy Scout camp. That was hard. I mean, really hard. I dropped him off at 8am on a Monday morning with a large group of boys with some adult leaders. We saw him again 7 days later for Visitors day at camp. He did great and had a ball. I struggled every second he was gone. Mother's aren't supposed to just turn their children free like that. I missed him terribly.
And then he came home and within 24 hours I was looking at the calendar trying to determine when the next camping trip was. I think the next one will be easier. Or maybe not....
Faith has done a LOT of swimming this summer. A LOT. This girl is like a fish. Well, a mermaid, according to her. She's tall enough to go down the ginormous slides at our community pool this year. This girl, the one with the heart condition, lugs an inner tube up three flights of stairs all the way to the top of the slide, slides down and lugs that tube right back up. Smiling all the way.
She sure knows how to enjoy life!
Ashley is a little fish too. But she has some crazy in her as well. Well, they all do. But her crazy is peeking through earlier than Caleb and Faith's did. She still likes to be right ON me so being at the pool has been rather easy this year. I'm sure next year will be different.
Ashley will be 18 months on the 19th. THAT's CRAZY! Eighteen months.
She walks, runs, JUMPS, slides down the stairs (that's fun to watch!), climbs on everything, sings "Rock a Bye Baby" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider", loves to read books, loves to empty all my cabinets, loves to scream, and loves LOVES to tease her sister.
She has a ton of words too. Mommy, daddy, Shoe (sounds like Ssssssss, but it still counts!), please, thank you, go, get, bad dog (glad that wasn't damn dog!), good dog, night night, Bubba, Bust (assuming this is for Buster the bad dog), side, and several more I know I'm missing. She babbles constantly! I love her sweet little voice.
She is a good baby.
Now we are six weeks away from school starting. Caleb starts middle school on August 22nd and Faith starts Kindergarten on the 23rd. Not sure what I'm going to do. How is my little girl starting Kindergarten?? How is my BABY starting middle school??
Jamie and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage on the 11th. I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I can honestly say that I don't love him like I did on that day though. While I loved him then, things have definitely changed. We have grown up, gotten older and wiser. And we now have three children. Growing with him, having babies with him, learning this parenting thing with him, I can without a doubt say that I do love him so much more 14 years later than I did on that day. I didn't know that would be possible. But when you see the man you love hold your first child together, play horsey with all three kids on back, be a parent.... something changes. That love grows. And my love for him did grow. And its still growing. I can't wait to see what the next 14 years brings. I'm excited about our next chapter of life. I'm so happy that fate worked the way it did and he and I ended up together.
So that is it for now. A little update. I'm not going to say I'll do better because I probably won't. But we're all here and we're doing great. Life is amazing. We miss those who aren't with us but know that they are watching over us.
For those who remember the story about Janie coming to pray with us before Faith's 1st heart cath, you'll like this. Faith had some issues earlier in the week (all is fine now) and we ended up in the ER. Faith was scared and not well. The nurse came in to take some blood and help get her situated. She introduced herself. I wasn't sure I heard her correctly so I took a peek at her name tag. Sure enough... Mimi. Faith had the biggest grin on her face at that point. So Mimi got us through the first few hours of that visit and I knew things would be okay. And they were okay. Everything is just great.
Life is good.
Having three kids sucks so much energy out of me and what energy is left, is spent on trying to remember what I was planning on doing next. And chances are, I will only remember what I was going to do next just after I finally lay down for the night only delaying that much needed sleep even more.
Some people call it pregnancy brain but what do we call it when there is no longer a life form growing in your belly but rather in your home?
So... a quick update.
Summer has been a ton of fun so far.
Jamie, Caleb, Pops and Colin all took an 8 day trip to Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Mt Rushmore and a million other places along the way. They made some amazing memories and saw some places that some people never see in a lifetime.
The girls and I stayed home so that they could make this trip with less bathroom breaks, whining, screaming and tantrums.
And I wasn't sure how the girls would handle it either.
Caleb then set off for a 10 day excursion to Boy Scout camp. That was hard. I mean, really hard. I dropped him off at 8am on a Monday morning with a large group of boys with some adult leaders. We saw him again 7 days later for Visitors day at camp. He did great and had a ball. I struggled every second he was gone. Mother's aren't supposed to just turn their children free like that. I missed him terribly.
And then he came home and within 24 hours I was looking at the calendar trying to determine when the next camping trip was. I think the next one will be easier. Or maybe not....
Faith has done a LOT of swimming this summer. A LOT. This girl is like a fish. Well, a mermaid, according to her. She's tall enough to go down the ginormous slides at our community pool this year. This girl, the one with the heart condition, lugs an inner tube up three flights of stairs all the way to the top of the slide, slides down and lugs that tube right back up. Smiling all the way.
She sure knows how to enjoy life!
Ashley is a little fish too. But she has some crazy in her as well. Well, they all do. But her crazy is peeking through earlier than Caleb and Faith's did. She still likes to be right ON me so being at the pool has been rather easy this year. I'm sure next year will be different.
Ashley will be 18 months on the 19th. THAT's CRAZY! Eighteen months.
She walks, runs, JUMPS, slides down the stairs (that's fun to watch!), climbs on everything, sings "Rock a Bye Baby" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider", loves to read books, loves to empty all my cabinets, loves to scream, and loves LOVES to tease her sister.
She has a ton of words too. Mommy, daddy, Shoe (sounds like Ssssssss, but it still counts!), please, thank you, go, get, bad dog (glad that wasn't damn dog!), good dog, night night, Bubba, Bust (assuming this is for Buster the bad dog), side, and several more I know I'm missing. She babbles constantly! I love her sweet little voice.
She is a good baby.
Now we are six weeks away from school starting. Caleb starts middle school on August 22nd and Faith starts Kindergarten on the 23rd. Not sure what I'm going to do. How is my little girl starting Kindergarten?? How is my BABY starting middle school??
Jamie and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage on the 11th. I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I can honestly say that I don't love him like I did on that day though. While I loved him then, things have definitely changed. We have grown up, gotten older and wiser. And we now have three children. Growing with him, having babies with him, learning this parenting thing with him, I can without a doubt say that I do love him so much more 14 years later than I did on that day. I didn't know that would be possible. But when you see the man you love hold your first child together, play horsey with all three kids on back, be a parent.... something changes. That love grows. And my love for him did grow. And its still growing. I can't wait to see what the next 14 years brings. I'm excited about our next chapter of life. I'm so happy that fate worked the way it did and he and I ended up together.
So that is it for now. A little update. I'm not going to say I'll do better because I probably won't. But we're all here and we're doing great. Life is amazing. We miss those who aren't with us but know that they are watching over us.
For those who remember the story about Janie coming to pray with us before Faith's 1st heart cath, you'll like this. Faith had some issues earlier in the week (all is fine now) and we ended up in the ER. Faith was scared and not well. The nurse came in to take some blood and help get her situated. She introduced herself. I wasn't sure I heard her correctly so I took a peek at her name tag. Sure enough... Mimi. Faith had the biggest grin on her face at that point. So Mimi got us through the first few hours of that visit and I knew things would be okay. And they were okay. Everything is just great.
Life is good.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Faith is five
Four days ago our baby girl turned 5. A whole hand. She thinks she is pretty big now and gets quite upset if we refer to her as a four year old. She is full or attitude and sass. Hard to believe that its been five year since this miracle entered our lives. I remember being pregnant with her and after such a long wait and so many fertility issues, it all seemed so surreal. I would sit and just stare at my pregnant belly at my desk while at work. I would often sit as still as I could so I could feel every movement. I relished every single thing of the life growing inside. And now she is five.
I also remember when we first learned of her heart condition and the terror we felt. I remember the uncertainty in the doctors words and the fear we felt with every second of every day.
And now she is five.
And she is a normal five year old. She runs and plays and jumps and skips and rides bikes and laughs and cries and whines and fights with her older brother and argues with her parents and throws a little attitude around in most every thing she does. She's normal.
And she's amazing.
I'm so thankful she is our daughter.
I also remember when we first learned of her heart condition and the terror we felt. I remember the uncertainty in the doctors words and the fear we felt with every second of every day.
And now she is five.
And she is a normal five year old. She runs and plays and jumps and skips and rides bikes and laughs and cries and whines and fights with her older brother and argues with her parents and throws a little attitude around in most every thing she does. She's normal.
And she's amazing.
I'm so thankful she is our daughter.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Moving on with life
I have attempted numerous times to update the blog but its just been too hard lately. I remember when I first started this new blog and Bonnie calling to tell me how happy she was that I was doing this again. And then she read every single entry I made. She told me on one of her and Jim's trips while in Houston, she laid in the back seat to be comfortable and read the entries aloud to Jim and they both laughed.
While it made me feel so great to know how much she enjoyed reading about our little family and her precious grand babies, it saddens me so much to know I no longer have her checking my blog.
Bonnie Marie Schmittendorf lost her battle to Leukemia on March 1, 2012. After 14 months of being sick, of being poked and prodded, of numerous doctors, blood vials, platelets, blood transfusions, lengthy hospital stays, pain, discomfort and even a stem cell transplant, of fighting a fight that only she could fight, Bonnie is no longer dealing with any of these incredibly unfair things. And while I am overjoyed that she is now pain free, the void of not having her with us on this Earth will never ever be filled.
I remember when I first met Bonnie. I can't remember the month but it was summer of 1997. Jamie brought me home to Arkansas to meet his family and attend his fathers retirement ceremony. She never made me feel like a stranger. She welcomed me into her home that day and every day after for the next 15 years. I remember her telling me how sad she thought it was that I lost my mom at such a young age. I know that is why she stepped up and played the role of "mom" for our wedding that next Summer. She helped in so many ways and had a huge influence on all of our decisions. Just as a mom should.
She stepped up in many situations over the years. And she influenced many decisions in our lives. She was always there when we needed her and she always went above and beyond. She was more than a mother in law to me. And I am so incredibly grateful I was given the opportunity to have her in my life.
We are moving on with life, just as Bonnie would want. Faith and Caleb are deeply saddened by the loss of their grandmother and are all too aware that they now have no living grandmothers. My incredibly smart and thoughtful son was the one who asked me if I thought my mom would be there to greet Bonnie. I'm sure my mom and Bonnie will have a lot to talk about. And I'm sure my mom will embrace Bonnie and thank her for taking such good care of me and her grandchildren.
There is no way to ease the pain. Time will make it better. But its such a hard fact to grasp and understand that we will never be able to have her with us again.
We will miss Bonnie. And she will always be our children's Mimi. And Ashley will always have Bonnie's name to carry on with her. And we will all have our memories to hold close to our hearts and to share with those less fortunate to not be able to know Bonnie.
We will move on with our lives. Our moms would tell us to do so. Bonnie did. I remember in January, she took Jamie's hand and told him its okay to be sad but not to be overcome with grief. She said grief could take over a person and she wanted everyone to be happy. She told him it was okay to be sad for a little bit but to move on. She told us all that it would be okay. And it will be.
But it will never be the same again.
While it made me feel so great to know how much she enjoyed reading about our little family and her precious grand babies, it saddens me so much to know I no longer have her checking my blog.
Bonnie Marie Schmittendorf lost her battle to Leukemia on March 1, 2012. After 14 months of being sick, of being poked and prodded, of numerous doctors, blood vials, platelets, blood transfusions, lengthy hospital stays, pain, discomfort and even a stem cell transplant, of fighting a fight that only she could fight, Bonnie is no longer dealing with any of these incredibly unfair things. And while I am overjoyed that she is now pain free, the void of not having her with us on this Earth will never ever be filled.
I remember when I first met Bonnie. I can't remember the month but it was summer of 1997. Jamie brought me home to Arkansas to meet his family and attend his fathers retirement ceremony. She never made me feel like a stranger. She welcomed me into her home that day and every day after for the next 15 years. I remember her telling me how sad she thought it was that I lost my mom at such a young age. I know that is why she stepped up and played the role of "mom" for our wedding that next Summer. She helped in so many ways and had a huge influence on all of our decisions. Just as a mom should.
She stepped up in many situations over the years. And she influenced many decisions in our lives. She was always there when we needed her and she always went above and beyond. She was more than a mother in law to me. And I am so incredibly grateful I was given the opportunity to have her in my life.
We are moving on with life, just as Bonnie would want. Faith and Caleb are deeply saddened by the loss of their grandmother and are all too aware that they now have no living grandmothers. My incredibly smart and thoughtful son was the one who asked me if I thought my mom would be there to greet Bonnie. I'm sure my mom and Bonnie will have a lot to talk about. And I'm sure my mom will embrace Bonnie and thank her for taking such good care of me and her grandchildren.
There is no way to ease the pain. Time will make it better. But its such a hard fact to grasp and understand that we will never be able to have her with us again.
We will miss Bonnie. And she will always be our children's Mimi. And Ashley will always have Bonnie's name to carry on with her. And we will all have our memories to hold close to our hearts and to share with those less fortunate to not be able to know Bonnie.
We will move on with our lives. Our moms would tell us to do so. Bonnie did. I remember in January, she took Jamie's hand and told him its okay to be sad but not to be overcome with grief. She said grief could take over a person and she wanted everyone to be happy. She told him it was okay to be sad for a little bit but to move on. She told us all that it would be okay. And it will be.
But it will never be the same again.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Things that make me laugh
It's been a rough couple of months here. It's so hard having so much happening that you can't control and are too far away from to even help if you could. Hard is kind of an understatement, actually. Infuriating, frustrating, overwhelming, sad and terrifying are other words I could use to express our feelings.
Luckily, we have these kids to keep us busy and grounded. And make us laugh. Here are a few things that has made us laugh just this week.
My favorite was the other night when I made baked Ziti. Faith saw it and says, "Ewww. Do I have to eat that?" I replied with a stern yes and she paused before saying "If you make me chicken nuggets, I will bow down to you and call you Princess."
As tempting as this offer was, I declined. When I repeated this story to Jamie later, she said that since I didn't let her eat nuggets, I was now the Evil Queen. At least I was upgraded to Queen.
Then there was the incident on Monday evening when Faith told me her penis hurt. I explained that she does not have a penis but she has a vagina. It wasn't until later, when I told her she was stinky and needed a bath that she told me that this is the reason she doesn't like vaginas... they are stinky.
Okay. So turns out those are the only two I can think of for this week. But they sure made us laugh. And we needed to laugh!
Laughter is the best medicine, right?
Here are some other things that make me smile.
Luckily, we have these kids to keep us busy and grounded. And make us laugh. Here are a few things that has made us laugh just this week.
My favorite was the other night when I made baked Ziti. Faith saw it and says, "Ewww. Do I have to eat that?" I replied with a stern yes and she paused before saying "If you make me chicken nuggets, I will bow down to you and call you Princess."
As tempting as this offer was, I declined. When I repeated this story to Jamie later, she said that since I didn't let her eat nuggets, I was now the Evil Queen. At least I was upgraded to Queen.
Then there was the incident on Monday evening when Faith told me her penis hurt. I explained that she does not have a penis but she has a vagina. It wasn't until later, when I told her she was stinky and needed a bath that she told me that this is the reason she doesn't like vaginas... they are stinky.
Okay. So turns out those are the only two I can think of for this week. But they sure made us laugh. And we needed to laugh!
Laughter is the best medicine, right?
Here are some other things that make me smile.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
One year checkups, heart caths and other fun stuff.
I've not been so great about keeping up on here. Sorry about that. It's not that we haven't had things going on because we have had so much going on that it could make your head explode if I went in to it all. Mine almost has.
But we are good. And things are calming down a bit.
First of all, Ashley had her 1 year check up and is perfect. (we suspected as much though!) She weighed in at 24 lbs and 13 ounces and is 30 1/2 inches tall. Still shorter than the other two at this point, but not by much. I think she will be short and fat like her momma.
She is such a sweet baby. She's a perfect mix of both Caleb and Faith. Has a great amount of dare devil in her and is super sensitive and sweet. I still can't believe its been a year.
Faith also had her heart cath on Valentines Day. To say we were nervous for this would be a bit of an understatement. It's never easy to see your child in any amount of discomfort and its certainly not easy to hand them over to someone else and just be left hoping all turns out alright. Fortunately, all did turn out alright. We even learned that her holes have gotten significantly smaller and are no longer considered to be an issue. She does have Ventricular Non Compaction and that isn't going away (unfortunately). But she is still stable and handling this completely well. We will continue with her cardiologist checkup and she will wear a holter monitor every six months to check up on things. But the doctor said he sees no reason why she won't be able to live a fairly normal "long" life.
You have no idea how amazing that was to hear.
There are still a lot of unknowns and of course, no guarantees. But that's how life is. No guarantees and a whole lot of unknowns.
Which brings me to Bonnie.
Sweet Bonnie. She is home with Jim and resting comfortably. She is becoming weaker each day and its harder and harder for her to talk. She called Jamie Friday night to talk and was feeling great. She called him! It just so happened that we had a house full of people for a Scout party. So he kept it really short. But she told him he loved her and he told her he loved her. Thank God for those precious words. It seems as if over night she dramatically went downhill. She hasn't really been able to talk since.
While we continue to pray for some sort of miracle, we also pray that she continues to have no pain and that God takes care of her. Its so hard to understand why things like this happen. Its so unfair and its so easy to be angry. I know I carried a lot of anger for many years about losing my mom. But then I realize that its all part of a plan that we will one day understand. While I miss my mom each and every day, I know that with that tragic loss, I became the person I am today.
While anger is the easiest emotion to feel, we are choosing to be thankful for God loaning Bonnie to us. I know I'm thankful that I had her in my life for these past 16 years. And I'm thankful she raised such an amazing man to be my husband.
It's not an easy time right now. It's hard to find the right words to help Jamie through this and I often find myself feeling like an outsider looking in on a family struggling through such pain and sorrow. But I know we will find ourselves on the other side of this and there will be good times ahead. For now, we are loving Bonnie and praying for her to be pain free and comfortable. And being thankful for every day with her.
But we are good. And things are calming down a bit.
First of all, Ashley had her 1 year check up and is perfect. (we suspected as much though!) She weighed in at 24 lbs and 13 ounces and is 30 1/2 inches tall. Still shorter than the other two at this point, but not by much. I think she will be short and fat like her momma.
She is such a sweet baby. She's a perfect mix of both Caleb and Faith. Has a great amount of dare devil in her and is super sensitive and sweet. I still can't believe its been a year.
Faith also had her heart cath on Valentines Day. To say we were nervous for this would be a bit of an understatement. It's never easy to see your child in any amount of discomfort and its certainly not easy to hand them over to someone else and just be left hoping all turns out alright. Fortunately, all did turn out alright. We even learned that her holes have gotten significantly smaller and are no longer considered to be an issue. She does have Ventricular Non Compaction and that isn't going away (unfortunately). But she is still stable and handling this completely well. We will continue with her cardiologist checkup and she will wear a holter monitor every six months to check up on things. But the doctor said he sees no reason why she won't be able to live a fairly normal "long" life.
You have no idea how amazing that was to hear.
There are still a lot of unknowns and of course, no guarantees. But that's how life is. No guarantees and a whole lot of unknowns.
Which brings me to Bonnie.
Sweet Bonnie. She is home with Jim and resting comfortably. She is becoming weaker each day and its harder and harder for her to talk. She called Jamie Friday night to talk and was feeling great. She called him! It just so happened that we had a house full of people for a Scout party. So he kept it really short. But she told him he loved her and he told her he loved her. Thank God for those precious words. It seems as if over night she dramatically went downhill. She hasn't really been able to talk since.
While we continue to pray for some sort of miracle, we also pray that she continues to have no pain and that God takes care of her. Its so hard to understand why things like this happen. Its so unfair and its so easy to be angry. I know I carried a lot of anger for many years about losing my mom. But then I realize that its all part of a plan that we will one day understand. While I miss my mom each and every day, I know that with that tragic loss, I became the person I am today.
While anger is the easiest emotion to feel, we are choosing to be thankful for God loaning Bonnie to us. I know I'm thankful that I had her in my life for these past 16 years. And I'm thankful she raised such an amazing man to be my husband.
It's not an easy time right now. It's hard to find the right words to help Jamie through this and I often find myself feeling like an outsider looking in on a family struggling through such pain and sorrow. But I know we will find ourselves on the other side of this and there will be good times ahead. For now, we are loving Bonnie and praying for her to be pain free and comfortable. And being thankful for every day with her.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
My funny Caleb
So we found ourselves sitting in the orthopedic doctors office this morning. Caleb has once again managed to hurt his arm. We made it 9 years before ever having a broken bone. Now I guess its a yearly deal. Geesh.
Anyway.... on the way to the doctors office Caleb was telling me how he thinks he wants to be a doctor. He says doctors make a lot of money so he is pretty sure that is what he would like to do. He asked how long he would have to go to college and which college. After covering all those logistics, he asked me how much money college costs. I told him it was a lot of money and left it at that. But I emphasized how if he worked hard he could get an academic or athletic scholarship.
After the dr looked at Caleb's arm and determines that its a possible scaphoid fracture, she tells us that the best bet is to wear a splint for two weeks and reexamine before casting. This will save us the inconvenience of casting if its not a true fracture and it will save us the expense of the cast.
After she left the room, Caleb asked me how much a cast cost. I told him it was a lot of money.
After a moment of silence, my big 10 (almost 11 :'( ) year old looks at me and says, "Did you think this through before having 3 kids? Did you realize that college cost a lot of money? Did you know about casts and stuff like that?"
I laughed a bit and said that I knew kids were expensive but that they were worth every penny.
Then he says "I bet you wish you were a doctor"
On the way out of the office, we saw a garbage truck backed up to the building loading dumpsters onto the lift. His eyes lit up and he froze in amazement. He stared as the lift went up over the hood of the truck and dumped the contents of the dumpsters into the back of the garbage truck. He then looks at me and say "Now THAT is cool. Maybe I want to do that when I grow up!"
And all my hopes of living a comfortable retirement in the basement of my eldest childs mansion floated away....
I love my kids.
Anyway.... on the way to the doctors office Caleb was telling me how he thinks he wants to be a doctor. He says doctors make a lot of money so he is pretty sure that is what he would like to do. He asked how long he would have to go to college and which college. After covering all those logistics, he asked me how much money college costs. I told him it was a lot of money and left it at that. But I emphasized how if he worked hard he could get an academic or athletic scholarship.
After the dr looked at Caleb's arm and determines that its a possible scaphoid fracture, she tells us that the best bet is to wear a splint for two weeks and reexamine before casting. This will save us the inconvenience of casting if its not a true fracture and it will save us the expense of the cast.
After she left the room, Caleb asked me how much a cast cost. I told him it was a lot of money.
After a moment of silence, my big 10 (almost 11 :'( ) year old looks at me and says, "Did you think this through before having 3 kids? Did you realize that college cost a lot of money? Did you know about casts and stuff like that?"
I laughed a bit and said that I knew kids were expensive but that they were worth every penny.
Then he says "I bet you wish you were a doctor"
On the way out of the office, we saw a garbage truck backed up to the building loading dumpsters onto the lift. His eyes lit up and he froze in amazement. He stared as the lift went up over the hood of the truck and dumped the contents of the dumpsters into the back of the garbage truck. He then looks at me and say "Now THAT is cool. Maybe I want to do that when I grow up!"
And all my hopes of living a comfortable retirement in the basement of my eldest childs mansion floated away....
I love my kids.
Monday, January 30, 2012
My new favorite toy
After almost 11 years of having a child in my home, I have just now discovered my most favorite obsession. A few weeks ago, my tech savy hubby bought me a video monitor. I wasn't too excited about it simply because it wasn't a necessity.
But now that I have it, I can not live without it. Ever.
I have spent more time than I'm willing to admit just staring at this monitor watching my babies sleep. That's right, babies. I have two recievers so we put one in Ashley's room and one in Faith's. I can switch from room to room and stare at them sleeping. Or I can watch them on a split screen. Or I can set it to automatically switch every 10 seconds.
That's right. I love it.
I have learned that Ashley moves like a crazy baby in her sleep and most of her noises that make me get up with her during the night, are just noises. And I have been getting up with her a lot less. I have also learned that Faith randomly sits up in her sleep, with her eyes open and just looks around. Let me tell you how creepy that looks at 2am.
I also learned that this is a handy little device to have when BOTH girls have the stomach flu. As fun as that experience was, I certainly hope we never do that again. But the video monitor was priceless that night.
And it was priceless when we put Faith to bed the other night and about 10 minutes later, she waved directly at the reciever. I love that girl.
We have plans in the works to leave both girls with friends this weekend. This was supposed to happen last weekend but then that stomach flu saga struck. So attempt #2 is coming up and as much as I'm tryin to not think about it, its all I can think about. Jamie, Caleb and I are going to go spend some time with Bonnie and give her some hugs and love. She is home from Houston after learning her Leukemia has returned. This sad, unexpected news hit everyone rather hard. It really makes you stop and realize just how precious life is. And how precious the people in our lives are. We have learned so much from Bonnie's battle this past year and are overwhelmed with emotions in regards to her strength, endurance and willpower. She is quite a lady. And I am so overjoyed that I have had her as my other mom for almost 16 years now. She has been so many things to our family and so many things to me. We are looking forward to spending time with her and praying she continues to feel well.
But I'm nervous about leaving my girls. Nervous and excited. And a bit guilt struck. I will be sending the video monitor with them. I love my friends who will have the girls. And I trust them wholeheartedly. Obviously, or I wouldn't be leaving my children with them. (those who know me, know I don't leave my kids. They are either with Jamie or myself) But these women are an exception and I trust them. I know my girls will be loved and cared for. I wonder if they will stare at the video monitor like I do. Probably not.
It really is a strange habit to have developed this late in parenting. I should maybe work on developing a hobby.
But now that I have it, I can not live without it. Ever.
I have spent more time than I'm willing to admit just staring at this monitor watching my babies sleep. That's right, babies. I have two recievers so we put one in Ashley's room and one in Faith's. I can switch from room to room and stare at them sleeping. Or I can watch them on a split screen. Or I can set it to automatically switch every 10 seconds.
That's right. I love it.
I have learned that Ashley moves like a crazy baby in her sleep and most of her noises that make me get up with her during the night, are just noises. And I have been getting up with her a lot less. I have also learned that Faith randomly sits up in her sleep, with her eyes open and just looks around. Let me tell you how creepy that looks at 2am.
I also learned that this is a handy little device to have when BOTH girls have the stomach flu. As fun as that experience was, I certainly hope we never do that again. But the video monitor was priceless that night.
And it was priceless when we put Faith to bed the other night and about 10 minutes later, she waved directly at the reciever. I love that girl.
We have plans in the works to leave both girls with friends this weekend. This was supposed to happen last weekend but then that stomach flu saga struck. So attempt #2 is coming up and as much as I'm tryin to not think about it, its all I can think about. Jamie, Caleb and I are going to go spend some time with Bonnie and give her some hugs and love. She is home from Houston after learning her Leukemia has returned. This sad, unexpected news hit everyone rather hard. It really makes you stop and realize just how precious life is. And how precious the people in our lives are. We have learned so much from Bonnie's battle this past year and are overwhelmed with emotions in regards to her strength, endurance and willpower. She is quite a lady. And I am so overjoyed that I have had her as my other mom for almost 16 years now. She has been so many things to our family and so many things to me. We are looking forward to spending time with her and praying she continues to feel well.
But I'm nervous about leaving my girls. Nervous and excited. And a bit guilt struck. I will be sending the video monitor with them. I love my friends who will have the girls. And I trust them wholeheartedly. Obviously, or I wouldn't be leaving my children with them. (those who know me, know I don't leave my kids. They are either with Jamie or myself) But these women are an exception and I trust them. I know my girls will be loved and cared for. I wonder if they will stare at the video monitor like I do. Probably not.
It really is a strange habit to have developed this late in parenting. I should maybe work on developing a hobby.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Dear Ashley Marie...
On your very 1st birthday, sweet Ashley, I want to tell you what an amazing blessing you are to our family. You are the perfect baby to complete our family. You make us laugh, you make us smile and you make mommy forget how exhausting you are. Sometimes.
A year ago today, I held my second daughter in my arms with your daddy, your big brother and your big sister at my side. It's moments like this that make a person realize that life is such a fabulous gift and that a baby is such a miracle. It's moments like this that make a mother realize that there is so much love for each and every child and that a heart can actually ache with pride and love. It's moments like this that make a mother want to freeze time and keep that baby in her arms forever.
I so wish I could freeze time.
But I can not. And here you are today, a year old. You are walking with bursts of running. You are babbling, screaming and saying the cutest gibberish. You say up, mama and dada. You also say "ass" but we like to think you are trying to say Ashley.
Your big brother adores you in a way that melts my heart. His face lights up when he sees you and is forced to grab and hug you. You object at times but he never stops attempting. Your sister is so in love with her living baby doll. She tries so hard to get you to cooperate with her every whim but you are just as stubborn and free-spirited as she is.
You eat everything. Everything. Including paper. And you are a decent napper and a decent sleeper. I wish you slept better at night but I know you will eventually. Just as you will continue to grow.
I am so thankful to be your mother. I'm so thankful to have Caleb, Faith and you. I believe I was given each of you for very specific reasons and I believe you all came to us in a very planned order. I thank God for his wisdom in knowing best what our family needed.
I thank God for you, Ashley Marie.
Happy Birthday, baby girl. I love you.
A year ago today, I held my second daughter in my arms with your daddy, your big brother and your big sister at my side. It's moments like this that make a person realize that life is such a fabulous gift and that a baby is such a miracle. It's moments like this that make a mother realize that there is so much love for each and every child and that a heart can actually ache with pride and love. It's moments like this that make a mother want to freeze time and keep that baby in her arms forever.
I so wish I could freeze time.
But I can not. And here you are today, a year old. You are walking with bursts of running. You are babbling, screaming and saying the cutest gibberish. You say up, mama and dada. You also say "ass" but we like to think you are trying to say Ashley.
Your big brother adores you in a way that melts my heart. His face lights up when he sees you and is forced to grab and hug you. You object at times but he never stops attempting. Your sister is so in love with her living baby doll. She tries so hard to get you to cooperate with her every whim but you are just as stubborn and free-spirited as she is.
You eat everything. Everything. Including paper. And you are a decent napper and a decent sleeper. I wish you slept better at night but I know you will eventually. Just as you will continue to grow.
I am so thankful to be your mother. I'm so thankful to have Caleb, Faith and you. I believe I was given each of you for very specific reasons and I believe you all came to us in a very planned order. I thank God for his wisdom in knowing best what our family needed.
I thank God for you, Ashley Marie.
Happy Birthday, baby girl. I love you.
Monday, January 16, 2012
January already
Well, we are actually a bit closer to February.
I haven't posted in a while... lets see.
We took a 16 1/2 hour trip to Alabama to visit Mimi and Pops. Most worthwhile drive ever. We did learn that Faith gets carsick. And we learned that by giving both kids full doses of Dramamine, they sleep quite awhile.
It was a nice visit, but discouraging too. Mimi ended up heading back to Houston. Jamie, his dad and his sister drove her back to Houston the Friday after New Years. That was another 14 hour drive. Then Jamie flew to Atlanta where the kids and I had driven (4 hours) to meet him. We then ventured back home a faster route taking only 14 hours.
BUT.. Bonnie is back in Houston where she is being treated for a staph infection that developed in her PICC line, a UTI and another infection that I can't remember the name of. She is improving but very slowly. We are praying so hard that she returns from Houston soon and we can plan another trip to see her when she is feeling well again. It was so hard for us all to see her in such pain and discomfort. We want her to feel well and want to do anything possible to achieve that.
I hate cancer. All cancer.
On another note, we are preparing for Ashley's 1st birthday party. She turns one this Thursday, the 19th and her party is Saturday. Seriously. How did this happen??!! This time a year ago I was waddling around and had completely given up on ever having this child. I was confident she was going to live within the walls of my womb forever. Thank goodness that didn't happen. She is such a joy! And such a little stinker. We joke saying she is a girl Caleb but it's true. If it can be climbed, she'll climb it. If it can be pushed, she'll push it. If it can be thrown, she'll throw it. She's exhausting. But perfect.
We are also preparing for Faith's upcoming heart cath. Preop on February 13th and surgery on the 14th. We are talking with her pretty openly about this. She doesn't seem scared at all. Her only concern was having this after Ashley's party. Girl doesn't want to miss a party.
I hope to get back in a routine soon. We've been home for a bit now but it was such a mentally exhausting trip that has left us with great worry for Bonnie. Which reminds me... you know that there are those defining moments in life when you realize who your real friends are and who are not your real friends. I learned one of those hard lessons when Faith was first diagnosed in August of 2007. But I just learned the other lesson. On our way home from Alabama we received a call from a friend letting us know there was no need to stop at the grocery store. Three amazing women that I have grown to love and cherish had gone into our home, CLEANED our fridge and stocked it full of all the essentials. And if that wasn't enough, they had left behind three homemade frozen meals for us. If this wasn't just the best thing ever, they also had to leave a package of cookies. Good cookies. The kind I do not normally buy. Priceless.
Words can not describe the feeling of joy and gratitude for knowing who are friends are. Life is too short to worry about who isn't so I'm thankful that we know who is.
So... hopefully we'll be back to it all soon. I attempted to get Caleb to basketball practice last night only to be an hour late due to completely forgetting the set practice time. But we did make it to dance tonight! Score! We'll get there. And so will Bonnie. One day at a time. With our friends by our sides. And with her friends, family and all the prayers at her side.
I haven't posted in a while... lets see.
We took a 16 1/2 hour trip to Alabama to visit Mimi and Pops. Most worthwhile drive ever. We did learn that Faith gets carsick. And we learned that by giving both kids full doses of Dramamine, they sleep quite awhile.
It was a nice visit, but discouraging too. Mimi ended up heading back to Houston. Jamie, his dad and his sister drove her back to Houston the Friday after New Years. That was another 14 hour drive. Then Jamie flew to Atlanta where the kids and I had driven (4 hours) to meet him. We then ventured back home a faster route taking only 14 hours.
BUT.. Bonnie is back in Houston where she is being treated for a staph infection that developed in her PICC line, a UTI and another infection that I can't remember the name of. She is improving but very slowly. We are praying so hard that she returns from Houston soon and we can plan another trip to see her when she is feeling well again. It was so hard for us all to see her in such pain and discomfort. We want her to feel well and want to do anything possible to achieve that.
I hate cancer. All cancer.
On another note, we are preparing for Ashley's 1st birthday party. She turns one this Thursday, the 19th and her party is Saturday. Seriously. How did this happen??!! This time a year ago I was waddling around and had completely given up on ever having this child. I was confident she was going to live within the walls of my womb forever. Thank goodness that didn't happen. She is such a joy! And such a little stinker. We joke saying she is a girl Caleb but it's true. If it can be climbed, she'll climb it. If it can be pushed, she'll push it. If it can be thrown, she'll throw it. She's exhausting. But perfect.
We are also preparing for Faith's upcoming heart cath. Preop on February 13th and surgery on the 14th. We are talking with her pretty openly about this. She doesn't seem scared at all. Her only concern was having this after Ashley's party. Girl doesn't want to miss a party.
I hope to get back in a routine soon. We've been home for a bit now but it was such a mentally exhausting trip that has left us with great worry for Bonnie. Which reminds me... you know that there are those defining moments in life when you realize who your real friends are and who are not your real friends. I learned one of those hard lessons when Faith was first diagnosed in August of 2007. But I just learned the other lesson. On our way home from Alabama we received a call from a friend letting us know there was no need to stop at the grocery store. Three amazing women that I have grown to love and cherish had gone into our home, CLEANED our fridge and stocked it full of all the essentials. And if that wasn't enough, they had left behind three homemade frozen meals for us. If this wasn't just the best thing ever, they also had to leave a package of cookies. Good cookies. The kind I do not normally buy. Priceless.
Words can not describe the feeling of joy and gratitude for knowing who are friends are. Life is too short to worry about who isn't so I'm thankful that we know who is.
So... hopefully we'll be back to it all soon. I attempted to get Caleb to basketball practice last night only to be an hour late due to completely forgetting the set practice time. But we did make it to dance tonight! Score! We'll get there. And so will Bonnie. One day at a time. With our friends by our sides. And with her friends, family and all the prayers at her side.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas
It's so funny. It took about 2 months of shopping, three weeks of wrapping, 1 week of decorating and a full day of cooking. And now its all over. Just like that. It took about 23 seconds for all of the beautiful wrapping to be ripped through and a mess like none other to be created in our living room. It was quite a challenge keeping Ashley away from all the pieces of paper and tiny plastic choking hazards that come with every single toy.
This is what Caleb looked like when he realized we finally got him an IPod.
And then when he realized it was Jamie's old IPod he was suddenly a bit deflated, but still appreciative. (sweet boy) Then Jamie opened up the NEW IPod and Caleb was a bit disturbed but soon realized we were tricking him and then he did this.
This is a tight, genuine, full of appreciation and thankfulness, hug. It was nice. He was truly surprised. LOVE that part of Christmas.
Faith was so cute with everything. She was thrilled that Santa left her the dancing doll she asked for. (And every other doll sold in toys stores as well.)
This girl has so many dolls! Her favorite is this one...
This doll is really special. She says things like "I'm hungry, Mommy". Then you have to feed her (yes, actual food!). And she says "I'm thirsty, Mommy". And you have to give her water in her sippy cup. And she says "Did I make a stinky?". And then you change her diaper. That's right, folks. I've said it would never happen but I have allowed another pooping, peeing object into my house. Let me tell you how gross this is too. I held her over the sink last night cleaning the green goo out of her mouth with water and vinegar. As I held the doll over the sink, a long, slimy, stringy green piece of loveliness fell from the hole in the bottom of the doll. I almost puked.
But Faith LOVES this doll. She feeds her and changes her like a crazy woman. She responds to the dolls every demand and just loves taking care of her. I had to laugh as she excitedly changed her 24th diaper. I hope I remember this to tell her about it when she has a baby of her own and has all those diapers full of real poo to tend too. I wonder if she will still be as eager.
Caleb also got a tablet and tablet accessories. And the usual basketball pants and shirts that he pretended were the best thing ever. But in reality, I just wrapped them so he'd have more to open since his Christmas was small with big ticket items.
Faith got dolls and more dolls. And a neat VTech electronic game system called a MobiGo. Really great! She hasn't played with it a ton but I'm hoping she will get into it during our 15 hour drive to Alabama.
For Christmas Eve, we had snacks galore!
And Christmas Day, we had cornish hens.
The kids thought it was pretty neat having their own bird. I was really creeped out. I don't do well with meat on bones. Ick. Moments after this picture, I decided they weren't cooked enough and put them all back in the over. Well, except for Jamie's. He wouldn't have any part of over cooked chicken. I guess his was okay too since he didn't die. But I made the kids wait on theirs. We had it later in the day with other leftovers. I'll make chicken salad out of the rest. Everyone gets to pick a side for Christmas dinner. Caleb picked canned green beans, Faith chose macaroni, Jamie wanted sauteed mushrooms and I got corn casserole. Faith was unhappy that I didn't make boxed macaroni though. I decided to make homemade and she wasn't thrilled. We ate Jamie's mushrooms the night before at our Christmas eve feast so, Caleb and I were the only ones happy with the sides.
Oh well. We all spent the day in our pajamas and had a really fun day. It was a great Christmas. One of the best yet. All the kids are at such great ages! Next year will be even better since I won't be pulling paper out of Ashley's mouth every 30 seconds. Hopefully.
We leave on Friday for Alabama. Really looking forward to ringing in the New Years with Mimi and Pops! After we get home, we'll be doing final preparations for our baby turning ONE! Such fun things happening!
On a not so fun note, Faith will be having another heart catherization in February. Date still to be determined. More information to come on this later. Right now, we are still in the midst of our holiday cheer and I'm trying not to worry about this upcoming event quite yet. One day at a time.
Happy holidays to everyone!!!
This is what Caleb looked like when he realized we finally got him an IPod.
Faith was so cute with everything. She was thrilled that Santa left her the dancing doll she asked for. (And every other doll sold in toys stores as well.)
This girl has so many dolls! Her favorite is this one...
But Faith LOVES this doll. She feeds her and changes her like a crazy woman. She responds to the dolls every demand and just loves taking care of her. I had to laugh as she excitedly changed her 24th diaper. I hope I remember this to tell her about it when she has a baby of her own and has all those diapers full of real poo to tend too. I wonder if she will still be as eager.
Caleb also got a tablet and tablet accessories. And the usual basketball pants and shirts that he pretended were the best thing ever. But in reality, I just wrapped them so he'd have more to open since his Christmas was small with big ticket items.
Faith got dolls and more dolls. And a neat VTech electronic game system called a MobiGo. Really great! She hasn't played with it a ton but I'm hoping she will get into it during our 15 hour drive to Alabama.
For Christmas Eve, we had snacks galore!
Oh well. We all spent the day in our pajamas and had a really fun day. It was a great Christmas. One of the best yet. All the kids are at such great ages! Next year will be even better since I won't be pulling paper out of Ashley's mouth every 30 seconds. Hopefully.
We leave on Friday for Alabama. Really looking forward to ringing in the New Years with Mimi and Pops! After we get home, we'll be doing final preparations for our baby turning ONE! Such fun things happening!
On a not so fun note, Faith will be having another heart catherization in February. Date still to be determined. More information to come on this later. Right now, we are still in the midst of our holiday cheer and I'm trying not to worry about this upcoming event quite yet. One day at a time.
Happy holidays to everyone!!!
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