Dear Ashley Marie...

On your very 1st birthday, sweet Ashley, I want to tell you what an amazing blessing you are to our family. You are the perfect baby to complete our family. You make us laugh, you make us smile and you make mommy forget how exhausting you are. Sometimes.
A year ago today, I held my second daughter in my arms with your daddy, your big brother and your big sister at my side. It's moments like this that make a person realize that life is such a fabulous gift and that a baby is such a miracle. It's moments like this that make a mother realize that there is so much love for each and every child and that a heart can actually ache with pride and love. It's moments like this that make a mother want to freeze time and keep that baby in her arms forever.

I so wish I could freeze time.

But I can not. And here you are today, a year old. You are walking with bursts of running. You are babbling, screaming and saying the cutest gibberish. You say up, mama and dada. You also say "ass" but we like to think you are trying to say Ashley.
Your big brother adores you in a way that melts my heart. His face lights up when he sees you and is forced to grab and hug you. You object at times but he never stops attempting. Your sister is so in love with her living baby doll. She tries so hard to get you to cooperate with her every whim but you are just as stubborn and free-spirited as she is.

You eat everything. Everything. Including paper. And you are a decent napper and a decent sleeper. I wish you slept better at night but I know you will eventually. Just as you will continue to grow.

I am so thankful to be your mother. I'm so thankful to have Caleb, Faith and you. I believe I was given each of you for very specific reasons and I believe you all came to us in a very planned order. I thank God for his wisdom in knowing best what our family needed.
I thank God for you, Ashley Marie.

Happy Birthday, baby girl. I love you.

January already

Well, we are actually a bit closer to February.
I haven't posted in a while... lets see.

We took a 16 1/2 hour trip to Alabama to visit Mimi and Pops. Most worthwhile drive ever. We did learn that Faith gets carsick. And we learned that by giving both kids full doses of Dramamine, they sleep quite awhile.
It was a nice visit, but discouraging too. Mimi ended up heading back to Houston. Jamie, his dad and his sister drove her back to Houston the Friday after New Years. That was another 14 hour drive. Then Jamie flew to Atlanta where the kids and I had driven (4 hours) to meet him. We then ventured back home a faster route taking only 14 hours.
BUT.. Bonnie is back in Houston where she is being treated for a staph infection that developed in her PICC line, a UTI and another infection that I can't remember the name of. She is improving but very slowly. We are praying so hard that she returns from Houston soon and we can plan another trip to see her when she is feeling well again. It was so hard for us all to see her in such pain and discomfort. We want her to feel well and want to do anything possible to achieve that.
I hate cancer. All cancer.

On another note, we are preparing for Ashley's 1st birthday party. She turns one this Thursday, the 19th and her party is Saturday. Seriously. How did this happen??!! This time a year ago I was waddling around and had completely given up on ever having this child. I was confident she was going to live within the walls of my womb forever. Thank goodness that didn't happen. She is such a joy! And such a little stinker. We joke saying she is a girl Caleb but it's true. If it can be climbed, she'll climb it. If it can be pushed, she'll push it. If it can be thrown, she'll throw it. She's exhausting. But perfect.

We are also preparing for Faith's upcoming heart cath. Preop on February 13th and surgery on the 14th. We are talking with her pretty openly about this. She doesn't seem scared at all. Her only concern was having this after Ashley's party. Girl doesn't want to miss a party. 

I hope to get back in a routine soon. We've been home for a bit now but it was such a mentally exhausting trip that has left us with great worry for Bonnie. Which reminds me... you know that there are those defining moments in life when you realize who your real friends are and who are not your real friends. I learned one of those hard lessons when Faith was first diagnosed in August of 2007. But I just learned the other lesson. On our way home from Alabama we received a call from a friend letting us know there was no need to stop at the grocery store. Three amazing women that I have grown to love and cherish had gone into our home, CLEANED our fridge and stocked it full of all the essentials. And if that wasn't enough, they had left behind three homemade frozen meals for us. If this wasn't just the best thing ever, they also had to leave a package of cookies. Good cookies. The kind I do not normally buy. Priceless.
Words can not describe the feeling of joy and gratitude for knowing who are friends are. Life is too short to worry about who isn't so I'm thankful that we know who is.

So... hopefully we'll be back to it all soon. I attempted to get Caleb to basketball practice last night only to be an hour late due to completely forgetting the set practice time. But we did make it to dance tonight! Score! We'll get there. And so will Bonnie. One day at a time. With our friends by our sides. And with her friends, family and all the prayers at her side.

Christmas

It's so funny. It took about 2 months of shopping, three weeks of wrapping, 1 week of decorating and a full day of cooking. And now its all over. Just like that. It took about 23 seconds for all of the beautiful wrapping to be ripped through and a mess like none other to be created in our living room. It was quite a challenge keeping Ashley away from all the pieces of paper and tiny plastic choking hazards that come with every single toy.
This is what Caleb looked like when he realized we finally got him an IPod.

And then when he realized it was Jamie's old IPod he was suddenly a bit deflated, but still appreciative. (sweet boy) Then Jamie opened up the NEW IPod and Caleb was a bit disturbed but soon realized we were tricking him and then he did this.

This is a tight, genuine, full of appreciation and thankfulness, hug. It was nice. He was truly surprised. LOVE that part of Christmas.


Faith was so cute with everything. She was thrilled that Santa left her the dancing doll she asked for. (And every other doll sold in toys stores as well.)
This girl has so many dolls! Her favorite is this one...

This doll is really special. She says things like "I'm hungry, Mommy". Then you have to feed her (yes, actual food!). And she says "I'm thirsty, Mommy". And you have to give her water in her sippy cup. And she says "Did I make a stinky?".  And then you change her diaper. That's right, folks. I've said it would never happen but I have allowed another pooping, peeing object into my house. Let me tell you how gross this is too. I held her over the sink last night cleaning the green goo out of her mouth with water and vinegar. As I held the doll over the sink, a long, slimy, stringy green piece of loveliness fell from the hole in the bottom of the doll. I almost puked.
But Faith LOVES this doll. She feeds her and changes her like a crazy woman. She responds to the dolls every demand and just loves taking care of her. I had to laugh as she excitedly changed her 24th diaper. I hope I remember this to tell her about it when she has a baby of her own and has all those diapers full of real poo to tend too. I wonder if she will still be as eager.

Caleb also got a tablet and tablet accessories. And the usual basketball pants and shirts that he pretended were the best thing ever. But in reality, I just wrapped them so he'd have more to open since his Christmas was small with big ticket items.
Faith got dolls and more dolls. And a neat VTech electronic game system called a MobiGo. Really great! She hasn't played with it a ton but I'm hoping she will get into it during our 15 hour drive to Alabama.

For Christmas Eve, we had snacks galore! 

And Christmas Day, we had cornish hens.

The kids thought it was pretty neat having their own bird. I was really creeped out. I don't do well with meat on bones. Ick. Moments after this picture, I decided they weren't cooked enough and put them all back in the over. Well, except for Jamie's. He wouldn't have any part of over cooked chicken. I guess his was okay too since he didn't die. But I made the kids wait on theirs. We had it later in the day with other leftovers. I'll make chicken salad out of the rest. Everyone gets to pick a side for Christmas dinner. Caleb picked canned green beans, Faith chose macaroni, Jamie wanted sauteed mushrooms and I got corn casserole. Faith was unhappy that I didn't make boxed macaroni though. I decided to make homemade and she wasn't thrilled. We ate Jamie's mushrooms the night before at our Christmas eve feast so, Caleb and I were the only ones happy with the sides.
Oh well. We all spent the day in our pajamas and had a really fun day. It was a great Christmas. One of the best yet. All the kids are at such great ages! Next year will be even better since I won't be pulling paper out of Ashley's mouth every 30 seconds. Hopefully.

We leave on Friday for Alabama. Really looking forward to ringing in the New Years with Mimi and Pops! After we get home, we'll be doing final preparations for our baby turning ONE! Such fun things happening!

On a not so fun note, Faith will be having another heart catherization in February. Date still to be determined. More information to come on this later. Right now, we are still in the midst of our holiday cheer and I'm trying not to worry about this upcoming event quite yet. One day at a time.

Happy holidays to everyone!!!

More Faith

Today was a good day. A very good day. I love days that I look back on and just laugh. Most days are like this but some days, I rather not look back on at all.
We played hide and seek this morning. Faith runs to hide while I count. She told me to count to 11 though because she wanted more time. And then she told me not to look in her closet when I tried to find her.

After Ashley nap, we took her to get her first pair of shoes. It as quite the adventure. Faith and Caleb love this baby so much and really don't give her the space so desires. It was hard for her to walk around the store with them hovering on her examining her new shoes. And the fact that she hated them made the experience all that more funny. She's warmed up to them a bit more now. But she did act like a cat with tape on its paws at first. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you really should find a cat and a roll of tape. Funniest thing ever. And I'll attempt to video Ashley doing it just in case you don't have a cat handy.

This afternoon we went to see a movie. "Arthur Christmas".  Very cute movie, by the way. I decided it would be fun to take Faith, Braden and Nathan along too. (her BFF's from playgroup) We were missing one but Taylor had already seen the movie. So off we went.
On the way there, the conversation went like this:

Braden: "I'm going to sit next to Faith in the movie"
Nathan: "I want to sit next to Braden"
Faith: "I'm going to sit next to Braden:
Braden:"I'm going to sit by Faith"
Faith: "I want to sit by Braden"

Nathan starts to panic.

Nathan: "I want to sit by Nathan"

All the 4 year olds cracked up.

Then Faith says "I'm an ice princess."

Caleb looks at me and says "Random thoughts by Faith."


Once we were in the movie, the 4 year olds did great! They sat nicely in their seats and arranged their snack packs on their laps. Nathan suddenly realized that these theater chairs posed a serious threat and could possibly swallow him whole. So..... he sat on my lap during the movie. It was so incredibly hard not to laugh but he was so serious about this fear that I couldn't laugh at him. I love 4 year olds! Such a fun age. 

Faithisms

Stuff like this is said in my house all the time and cracks me up. At the time I always think, I need to write that down and most of the time, I forget.
So now I'm writing it down.

Tonight, Faith hugs me and squeezes some of my love handle. Sweet girl. I say "Faith, don't squeeze mommy's fat." She says "You're not fat, mommy. You're tall."
"Awww, Faith. You don't think I'm fat? I'm tall??"

"Well, you're kind of tall."

"Just kind of tall?"

"Yes. But not really tall at all. And a little fat."


Love. This. Girl.

And now I'm on a diet.

One year ago.....

I ordered Ashley's 1st birthday party invitations this evening. How in the world has an entire year gone by? One year ago I was on restricted activity trying to keep this baby in my belly for a few weeks longer. One year ago I cried because I wasn't able to make Christmas dinner for my family and we had to order it from a store. One year ago, I laid on my bed and felt my baby doing flip flops in my belly and cried knowing it was the last time I would ever feel a baby move and grow inside of me.

This baby is no longer a little baby.
She climbs, she screams, she walks. She walks! We have a walker. She took a few steps a couple of weeks ago and then slowly progressed. Now she walks like a pro. Well, like a pro after having a few cocktails. Its cute as heck though!
So now I'm planning her 1st birthday party. Faith is excited to know she will no longer be "nothing" but will now be one. Caleb is excited because he is just in love with her and loves every single thing to do with this baby. We are all in love with her.

On another note... we are planning our trek to Alabama to see Mimi and Pops. They are finally home again after a long 9 1/2 months in Houston. Jamie says we will leave at 4am on whatever day we decide to leave on. He said he wants to drive "until we can't drive anymore" and then stop to find a hotel. No planning ahead. No reservations. Then he said he was going to find something he could buy and have handy to pee in rather than stopping. And he tried to fist pump me and get me excited about this whole plan. But I have so many problems with this plan. First of all, we are traveling with three chlidren who complain on the 6 mile drive to Wal-mart. Driving until we can't drive anymore... we may make it to Missouri. Secondly, peeing into a container of some sort to avoid bathroom breaks. Well, this just is not going to happen. No fist pumping on this matter at all. Not happening.

We saw Santa last weekend.

 This was the picture where Ashley had her bottle and was happy.

This is the picture where she was not.

And this is when she thrashed around until she couldn't see and Caleb was beside himself cracking up.

And Faith was like a statue the entire time.


After seeing Santa, we went to Target and did some shopping. Faith had told Santa that she wanted a doll that you pushed her belly button and it danced. Since we had never heard about this, we were curious what she was talking about. We found the doll and Faith pointed out, kind of disappointedly, that it didn't look like the dolls belly button after all, it looked more like a penis. Caleb cracked up and said there should be a sign that said "Push penis to make doll dance". My kids.



Faith also had her Winter recital this past weekend. For the first time ever, she didn't want to leave me to go backstage. She never ever has any issues leaving me. But this time she did. I fought back my tears and the urge to just grab her and run. Thank goodness too. She did an amazing job and had a blast!
Can't wait for the Spring recital now.


But first, we have to get through my last baby turning one. The last time I will ever throw a first birthday party. Yes. You better bet I will cry. As a matter of fact, I might just cry now.

Whirlwind holidays

We are just weeks away from the fat mans arrival and I suddenly feel like this entire year just slipped right by. That overwhelming sensation of being unorganized, unprepared, and completely caught off guard by December took a tight hold of me this weekend. Luckily the kids don't know what plans I had to make this year spectacular so their expectations will remain low. Probably for the best.
We did make our chocolate covered pretzels this weekend.

We also made a gingerbread house.

And I played with my new camera some more.

Ashley learned to climb into her push toy.

And Ashley got a booster seat and now sits at the table with us.

Buster is most excited.

Yes... the dog is wearing a coat. And it has skulls on it. It's okay to laugh.

We will be visiting Santa on Sunday. Faith is beyond excited. I reminded her last week that she needed to behave because Santa was watching. This reminder actually came during one of her not so great 4 year old moments. And I'm pretty sure I said something more like "You better knock it off because you are not behaving and Santa is watching". And I'm sure it was in an angry, not very nice tone.
So she says "Yea, but God is watching YOU!".
Gulp.

God certainly trumps Santa.

Little stinker.

We are also preparing for a 15 hour car ride to see Mimi and Pops in Alabama. We are praying that Mimi gets released from MD Anderson and gets to head home for Christmas. If this happens, we hope to go see them at New Years. Fingers crossed! The idea of taking a 15 hour car ride with the children who ask 10 times "are we there yet" enroute to Walmart 6 miles away is a little less than appealing. But the idea of getting to see Mimi (Leukemia free!) and ring in the New Year with Mimi and Pops is incredibly exciting!

Time to get the girls in bed. We need to sprinkle our Elf with dust first. That silly elf has returned again this year and is doing all sorts of silly things! Nothing quite like waking up to Faith laughing about her Elf that she wishes was a girl. I love these kids.